It is Well

There is something about the outdoors that just opens my heart, clears my mind and expands my perspective. When I find myself overwhelmed, overworked or just plain worn out and weary, I always find my way to the shoreline. Whether I'm sitting in my car or walking along the road, something about the warm sun, soft breeze, the waves, the birds, it all calms my soul.

All these parts form together to create something so beautiful, a picture of all God is in my life and in my heart. The awe, the wonder, the grace, the order and the perfection. It all works together for our enjoyment, for our pleasure.

In the confine of my home, job or even church, life seems limited. In that moment all I know is what I can see.

But when I get out, when I get into the open air, the space He created, the water He spoke into existence, the waves that yield to His command, the birds He feeds, the flowers He clothed, the sun He spun into motion. It’s in that moment I am reminded that He is big, He is strong, He is limitlessness, He is God and He is mine.  

When I get out, out of my own comfortable space and familiar surroundings, it’s then that I see Him most, I feel Him closest and I hear Him clearest.

God, you are with me and because of that, it is well.

"How do you stay so positive?"

Somebody recently asked me, "How do you stay so positive?" It was such a sweet question because deep down, I felt like it was a compliment as well. Me? Positive? Thankful that my actions and attitude bring encouragement and discouragement, I said, three simple words. 

"It's a choice"

You see, I've realized something, if I choose I wait for something "good" to happen in order to be positive, I could be waiting a while. And even then, under the best of circumstances, they are fickle at best and who knows how long that moment will last. We've all had those days that start off well and by mid morning you're wondering how everything derail so quickly. 

Life happens, and things aren't always great, but I've decided in my own mind that I can't wait for a reason to be positive, I have to just do it. 

Choose to see the best in a situation. 

Choose to react with love and not lash out in anger. 

Choose to see my full life as a blessing and not a burden.

Choose to see your need as an opportunity to GROW rather than evidence of past or future failures. 

Most of all, choose to be grateful. I've heard it said "Gratitude is the best attitude" and quite honestly, I don't think it could be any more true. 

When you CHOOSE to be grateful you switch your attention from wanting to thanking, from frustrated to focused, from fickle to fixed. 

We live in a society where complaining is just "venting" and celebrating is bragging. 

That's fine for others, but for me I choose to stop complaining and start celebrating. 

Thank God I have a job to go to.

Thank God I have a daughter who gets into everything & turns my house upside down. 

Thank God I've been blessed with such an awesome husband, even if he leaves his shoes everywhere. 

Thank God I have clothing piled up into massive piles of laundry, so many others have nothing. 

Every moment presents a choice, what you decide is ultimately up to you. I guess there's no right or wrong but, I'll tell you this, since I switched my thinking from complaining to celebrating my life has been happier, fuller and more fulfilling then it ever was. 

Not because I have everything I want, or my life is absent of problems, but because I choose to live with my heart postured towards gratitude and rather than having a bad attitude. 

If you don't believe me, take a chance today. Make the CHOICE to see things differently. Make a CHOICE to remain positive in difficult  situations. 

I've heard it said that life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of what you make of it. 

What will you make of your life? 

The choice is yours. 

Boundaries

The thing about boundaries is that before they can be respected, the have to be established. 

Sometimes you have to stop, think and draw the line. If you don't, who will? 

Ladies, as the heart of your household, it's important that you set limitations, especially relationally and emotionally. Men, as the protector and provider of your household, you too should strive for boundaries. Whether it be physical, financial or spiritual, boundaries are healthy and necessary. 

Life without boundaries is chaotic. A selfish person will make you feel badly for the boundaries you have in place, a wise person will honor and admire them. 

I'll probably blog about this in more depth over the next coming weeks, until then, what are your thoughts on boundaries? Do you set them? Do you respect them? 

 

Living Large

 

I love the outdoors. 

It reminds me of how BIG God is how all of His creation, including US was made to grow and flourish. 

I realized today (I think I realize this every so often in different forms or fashions) sometimes you just have to give yourself permission to let go, live large, boldly and freely. 

We can't continue to blame the "smallness" we feel on society, social standards or relationships when in the end, God is HUGE and LIMITLESS and He lives within US.

How can we continue to contain that? 

In the end, large, bold, free living starts from within. You have the power to change the course of your life and the path you choose. 

Live expansively and do it unapologetically. 

God is big. Think larger, go further. It's possible! You can do it. Let go.
You'll thank yourself one day.

Get there. Stay there.

I've recently made the decision to go back to school. I'm really excited, yet slightly terrified at the same time. It's been something I've wanted to do for a while. It was actually my plan from the beginning but after a confluence of circumstances, it just hasn't worked out. 

Until now. 

As a wife, mother, full time employee and active volunteer in church ministry, I really don't know how I'm going to balance yet another thing on my ever filling agenda, but I do know, it's got to be done!! 

My heart cries for more. No really, it weeps. I'm a very thankful person, I'm always grateful for the opportunities I have, but deep down inside, I just know there is more. 

As I prepare to embark on this new journey, a journey that will take of my time and finances, a journey that will require sacrifice, not just of ME but my husband and daughter, one thing rings in my heart. Over and over again. 

That place, the place my heart wanders to throughout the day, in the middle of night, whether I'm alone or with a crowd of people, that's where I want to be. That's the place my heart longs for. 

I don't know what this is going to look like, I'm not even sure how it will work, but I do know one thing: It will happen, it has got to happen!!

There is a part of me that feels lost and empty, broken and missing, that place needs to be filled. Where my passion becomes my daily purpose. Where my hearts dream becomes my life's reality. 

I don't know what stage of life you're in, but maybe like me, there is a place your heart wanders to. Find a way to that place. Permanently. Don't just visit it periodically in a whimsical thought. Find a way to build permanent residency in that place, where your heart is happy. 

You deserve it. And the world NEEDS it. That place your mind wanders to is the place where God can use YOU to change the world. 

Get there. Stay there. 

It's Complicated.

Relationships. They can be fun and rewarding yet challenging and difficult at the very same time. With so many moving components, it's a miracle when two people "click". Different personalities, preferences, life paths, beliefs and history all compile what we call character. Whether it’s between friends, family or a spouse, the merge of two very different people is all but graceful at times.

Over the last several weeks I've been dealing with some relational issues that have all but sucked the life out of me. Situations that have recently occurred combined with situations that have been a long time in the making have made for a melting pot of emotions in my heart and have placed what feels like bricks of thoughts in my mind, literally weighing me down day by day.

Some days are better than others. Sometimes things seem fine, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes I can look things over, sometimes I can’t. Sometimes I feel like I’ve moved on, other times it feels like there is this underlying issue that just keeps surfacing. Some days I let it go, and some days I feel like I can't take it anymore. "Am I crazy?" I ask myself. "Is it all in my head?" I wonder. Thoughts of all sorts blocking, clogging and congesting my mind.

When will it end?

I've come to the realization that some things cannot be prayed away. Some things cannot be dismissed. Some things cannot be overlooked. Some things simply need to be addressed. Head on, with love and truth. It’s only through confrontation that there is an opportunity to learn, grow, mature and move on.

I get it, life is complicated. Relationships are complicated. You never want to hurt someone. You never want to offend someone. This makes it much easier to just minimize and move on that to confront and change things.

But what purpose does that serve anyone? How does that help anything to just "let things go". Don't get me wrong, not ever battle is worth fighting in, but sometimes, battles need to be fought. Words need to be said and things have got to change.

Honestly is the best policy. Right? Then why is it the most overlooked component to relationship? Since when did it become better to ignore an issue? Since when did it become better to “pretend” everything is OK? Since when did ignoring the elephant in the room cause the elephant to disappear? Since when did suppression in the name of "keeping the peace" become healthy?

I’ve come to realization that some things just need to be dealt with. And if that means losing everything, I have to ask myself, "If I lose everything over the truth, was it ever worth having?" After all, who wants to live a life or engage in relationships based solely on lies?

If living a lie is what I need to do to "keep it", in my opinion, it was never worth having in the first place. Speaking the truth may be difficult, but swallowing a lie, day after day is harder.

"If I knew he was dying, maybe I would have done thigns differently"

And then she said, "If I knew he was dying, maybe I would have done things differently".

 

In that moment, it was as if I suddenly became supernaturally connected, not just to the conversation, but to that family, to that loss and my heart broke.

 

Death. It's so sad, so raw, so fragile, yet  so predictable at the same time. It visits us all. No one is above (or beyond) death, you can't run, hide or cheat it, you can't buy more time, you can't reverse it once it's done. Death does not discriminate by age, marital status, social status, level of success or purpose. Death is final, absolute and without limitations.

 

As I sat for a moment pondering the thought, a million things went through my mind and ultimately my broken heart turned from mourning to confusion.

 

"If I knew he was dying, maybe I would have done things differently"

What does that mean?  If you knew he was dying? As though you expected he'd live forever? I don't understand, how you didn’t know he was dying? Doesn't death knock at all of our doors? Doesn't death meet each of us with a cold good bye at some point or another?

 

My mind still going a million miles a minute, just kept running that statement through my head. Over and over and over again. If I knew? If I KNEW he was dying.

 

With a heart full of sadness, my mind concluded, how did you not know he was dying?

 

In that moment, it hit me, again. A realization I have almost daily, but today it felt truer than ever before. We're all dying. One day it will be my daughter sitting amongst her friends mourning the loss of myself or my husband. One day, it'll happen whether we’re ready or not.

 

What is it about death that is so certain yet so mysterious? We may never know for sure when or how, but what we can count on is that it will happen.

 

There is such a fine line between life and death, earth and eternity. Yet sometimes we live as if it doesn’t even exist.

 

I wonder what she would have done differently. I wonder what one day I will wish I did differently. Death is inevitable. Without being morbid, you still have an opportunity to prepare for it. Your daily life should be lived in preparation for death. What will people remember you by? What will they say about your passing? What legacy will you leave for your children? Or your children’s children? How about those closest to you, what will you feel the day your last good bye is uttered? How do you treat those you love? Do they know they are loved? Does your spouse know that he (or she) is longed for? Do they know that everyday you would choose to say YES to them once again? Does your family know how much they mean to you? If your love is never expressed, it can be argued that it doesn’t even exist. What does it matter to have unexpressed love? Where will that leave you?

You might not know when, where or how, but one day, your life and the life of those around you will come to an end. Don’t live with regrets of things unsaid, problems unresolved, relationships unrestored, promises never fulfilled. Life is too short and too fragile to live in a way that leaves room for regrets.

 

You may not have forever, but you have today. Let those around you know how much they really mean to you. You never know when it’ll be the last time.

One Step At A Time..

Reuben and I have spent a lot of time at Sleeping Giant over the last year. On any given gorgeous Saturday morning, we take the trip up to Hamden and hike our way through miles of wildlife wilderness. 

It’s interesting because no matter how many times I go, I’m still amazed by how much God teaches through His creation. Although at times it can seem predictable, it is so awe inspiring at the very same time.  

As Reuben and I approach the park the view is always the same, all you see is a big mountain off in the distance covered in trees and you wonder how anyone can even navigate through. I always feel so small approaching something so large and almost get a sense of tiredness (if that's a word) as we approach knowing soon I’ll be walking all over that massive piece of land. 

As we get out of the car and walk towards the path, I feel my strides getting bigger, my heart beats a little faster, my face feels a little hotter and I know, it's about to go down!! 

Walking the path a few things became very evident, very quickly. 

WATCH WHERE YOU’RE GOING. But don't watch too closely for too long. As you’re walking the "path" there are lots of rocks, branches, rubbish and even water in your way. It's important to watch where you're going but it's really important to make sure you look up and around in order to ensure you're still in the right path. As important as it is to look down, making sure you don't slip, trip or fall, it's equally as important (if not more important) to look up. Looking up ensures you're still on the path you set out to be. With so many paths and so many different levels of difficulty, the last thing you want to do is end up on one that surpasses your level of strength and endurance, or even worse on no path at all. 

TRUST THE PROCESS. As you're walking, every so often you see a colored mark, assuring you you're on the right path but these marks come far and few. You might see one, and then not see another for what seems like a while. In between the moments of reassurance you've got to trust that you're going the right way.  You might find reassurance in other forms. Maybe you'll see someone off in the distance, that's certainly a sign that you're on the right path or you'll notice the ground is warn as though many other feet have hit the ground running here before, or maybe you just glance over and remember a certain spot or view. Yes, you've got to watch where you're going, but simultaneously you've got to find the perfect balance between knowing and trusting. You don't always get to see where you're going next until you approach the next move, but pay attention to the various other ways to find reassurance that you're indeed on the right track. 

STOP, LOOK, REFLECT AND ENJOY! Once you start going, sometimes you forget to stop and enjoy the scenery. If your only concern is how fast you make it through the trail, you'll miss out on so much beauty. God has so much to teach us through nature and all of creation, if we would just be so inclined to listen, I’m sure we would be amazed by what He reveals. Everytime I step foot off that mountain, I feel like I've once again, received a life lesson straight from heaven. 

ONE STEP AT A TIME. The trails (especially those less traveled) take you up and down cliff sides, through the rocks, trees and streams of the mountain side. As you travel it's easy to become overwhelmed with all that lies before you, focusing on how big, how long and how rough the trail is but if you fix your eyes on what is directly in front of you, taking it one step at a time, before you know it you're farther than you ever expected. 

Each time I step foot on that mountain, I see another way my experience perfectly parallels many of life’s everyday obstacles.  

How often do we face situations that seem so monstrous that the mere APPROACH makes us weary? 

Sleeping Giant has taught me a lot about this mountain called life.

1.) Watch where you're going, but never forget to look UP and AROUND. Keeping your head down too long will inevitably leave you lost and confused. The best perspective comes from above.

2. Trust the process- even when you can't see the next step. Although you may always have subtle signs of confirmation, you won't have the road mapped out for you and that's ok! 

 

3. Stop, look, reflect & ENJOY! Life happens SO fast. Do not be so focused on "getting there" (wherever there might be for you) that you forget to enjoy the process. Don't wait for the mountain top experience to find happiness, those come far and few. It's through the day to day, season to season that life unfolds and it's true beauty is unveiled. Sometimes the journey is better than the destination. 

 

4. No matter how long the the road seems, just remember, you can only take it one step at a time. Don't run before you walk. You can't conquer the world in a day, but you can take steps in the right direction. 

Life is just like a mountain. It can be big, scary, intimidating and draining OR it can be beautiful, exciting and encouraging. At times if might beat you up, but through the struggle you'll always find strength. 

How do you climb a mountain?

One step at a time. 

True Beauty Starts on the Inside (Or Does It?)

They say that true beauty comes from the inside. I use to agree but after the last several months I've realized this isn't always the case. Sometimes true beauty does start on the outside.

Before you start thinking I'm some superficial, shallow being- hear me out! I've blogged over the past few months regarding the changes I've faced as a new mom, and my desperate attempt to feel like ME again and regain some sense of beauty after being stretched thin, sliced open and left to recover without a very good understanding of what the heck just happened to me!

I've found it difficult to find a balance of being a mother, wife, friend, leader, daughter, sister, aunt, employee (and the list goes on) while simultaneously trying dig deep to the bottom of what is left of just plain old Lori. 

I loved being pregnant. Pregnancy was good to me. I was in AWE of my ever changing body rather than in disgust of it. I liked seeing my body grow, I was amused by how it would stretch to accommodate my growing baby but like I've said before, towards the end, I simply couldn't wait to feel like ME again. I just wanted my body back!

Shortly after giving birth, I realized that not only did I NOT have my body back, I felt more foreign to myself then I had the previous 9 months. Now I still didn’t fit into my clothes, I still didn’t feel normal and I no longer had a cute baby bump to dote on. All that was left was extra skin, extra pounds and lots of stretch marks. My physical limitations after my c-section far exceeded any pregnancy limitations I faced. This left me feeling frail, broken, used and abused.

On top of all this, I had dark circles under my eyes from sleepless nights, my showers were short and to the point, and getting dressed meant wearing anything more than a bathrobe. I spent my days nursing, changing, rocking and repeating. Over, and over again.

 To say I felt unusual would be putting it nicely. I stopped doing my hair, I didn’t have time for makeup, I was just a milk making, baby changing, house cleaning machine.

Then steps in Yvette. One of the most beautiful woman I know both inside and out. She has a passion for bringing out the inner beauty in woman and helping them discover the fabulousness within. She’s one of the most amazing, talented and caring woman I know. Thankfully not only do I call her my hair dresser, I call her my friend.

Yvette helped me reconnect with my inner beauty. She opened my eyes to see that there was life after becoming a mom. She showed me that just because I had less time and more responsibility, does not mean that I give up on myself. She encouraged me to dig deeper,  push harder and wake up earlier! 

Yvette has been such an encouragement over the last year. Helping me to revamp my hair, teaching me new make up techniques, getting me involved with Ipsy (which is my own personal Christmas each month) and motivating me to work hard and shed these unwanted pregnancy pounds.

When I felt my worst, she helped bring out my best. When I felt the ugliest, she showed me how to uncover my beauty, when I was discouraged she reminded me that hard work and dedication would pay off.

Everyone says that true beauty starts on the inside. I use to agree, but now, I couldn’t disagree most. Today, I feel better about myself than I ever have before. I feel more beautiful, more secure and more confident that I have EVER and it didn’t start on the inside. It started from the outside. From a voice of hope to a text of encouragement to personal lessons, tips and advice not just about how I am beautiful, but HOW I can bring it out. She encouraged me and enabled me to maximize my beauty and minimize my flaws. 

I’m thankful that when I felt my worse on the inside, someone stepped in and imparted true beauty from the outside. I’m thankful that what I couldn’t see in myself, she helped highlight for me.

We are all beautiful in our own way, but sometimes we need a little help seeing it. Yvette opened my eyes to see all that I was and rediscover all that I thought had been lost. 

Who are you encouraging today? Who’s beauty can you pull out?

Strength sees strength, insecurities see insecurities. Be a woman (or man) that sees the beauty, strength and potential in others and make it your mission to help them pull it out.

True beauty can start on the outside. I’m proof.

Be a Voice, Not an Echo

I saw this picture today and thought it was so powerful. It said:

"Be a voice, not an echo" 

I stopped to think of all the times in life I have been mearly an echo. Times where I was too afraid to step out on my own and stand up for what I believed in, so I would just fell into the sound wave of others. 

Talking, talking and talking some more. Just "making conversation" and going through the motions.

Have you ever had the feeling you talk too much? 

Lately I've been paying even closer attention to the words I speak. People who know me well, know that I typically say such things as "words that build". I put a lot of emphasis on just speaking in a way that brings life and light to a situation and not death or darkness. I'm usually pretty good at this but lately I've been noticing that I just talk too much! 

It's not anything bad, persay. It's not lying, gossiping, cheating or slander.. It's not rude or hurtful.  It's more the everyday, going with the flow of life, echoing the sound of this world. 

When I open my ears to the sounds of our society what I can hear can be described as this: broken, shattered, mangled, corrupt, hurt, desperate, sick, afraid, anxious, jealous, envious. 

BUT when I open my ears to the sound of heaven, what I hear can be described like this: joyful, fullness, complete, peaceful, loving, kind, fulfilling.... 

I've realized something, it takes a special ear to hear the sound of heaven over the calamerty of the world. Not everyone will hear it, but if you are fortunate enough to sense the sound, it's up to you to silence yourself, lean in, listen and then be a voice of heaven not an echo to the world. 

There are enough echoes in this world, be a voice. 

I'm Not Afraid

As I walked into the quiet darkness of an empty home, bags in hand with my sweet, sleepy Sav knocked out in my arms, something felt different. 

Usually I would walk in and  frantically swat at the light switch, afraid of the unknown the darkness held, feeling like I needed to get the light on as quickly as possible to expose anything (or anyone) that might be waiting for my arrival.  

But today was different. I walked in, walked towards the steps and made my way up the stairs. I've taken this walk so many times before, I felt no need to flip the switch and risk the possibility of waking my daughter up. I walked up to the main floor, put her to bed and felt something I haven't felt in a long time, if ever. 

I felt nothing. 

Absolutely nothing. No fear of an empty house. No worry of someone being there. No anxiety of being alone. An unfamiliar (yet very welcomed) feeling of calmness and securety came over me. Something that I've longed for for quite some time now. It was finally here. 

In that moment I became very aware of just how much I WASN'T afraid. How much I didn't fear the darkness, how much I didn't fear being alone. 

I thought to myself; what was I EVER afraid of? 

I don't know. I really don't. 

But I do know that I'm no longer afraid. I'm not afraid of what could happen or what might happen. I'm not afraid of the unknown. I'm not afraid of being alone. 

I'm not afraid. 

Why? I think today, I was reminded or better yet, reassured, that I am never alone. I am walking with a lion. He goes before me, yet He is behind me. He shows me the way and He goes the way with me. 

What can anyone do to me? My fear is in The Lord and only Him. My trust is in Him and only Him. My faith, my identity and my future, it's all in His hand.

I use to be so afraid of everything but now, I'm different. 

The LORD is for me, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me? Psalms 118:6 

Absolutely nothing. 

Keys

What an incrediably long day at work! To say my brain is fried would be an understatement.. Nonetheless, here I am. Blogging away. 

God is so amazing. The way he teaches, leads, directs and corrects. It's like He knows each of us so well AND speaks to us in a way that makes sense for us. 

Today I was walking through the hall, approaching the bathroom, when BAM. It hit me. Literally. You see, I went to open the bathroom door and did one of those where you walk in before it opens kind of thing and bam, face first. Into the door. It's funny now but in the moment it was a little painful and quite humiliating. 

As I smacked the door,  and looked down at the LOCKED knob, I remembered (again) that I need a key to enter the restroom. It was like at that moment, in a split second, God reminded me that it's one thing to need a key, another to have a key, but success comes when you put what you know AND what you have TOGETHER to get the results you need. 

It's yet another reminder than anything is possible, but you have to commit to the process. 

Please, take a straw.

I saw this and immediately started laughing. What funny imagery.

We've all encountered that person who sucks the fun out of everything. No matter how awesome something or someone is, the find fault or reason for failure. They're a pessimist by nature and no one can tell them otherwise. 

How do you handle those types of people? How do you move forward living life and loving people under these circumstances? I think the answer is simple. 

Give them their straw back! 

People can only get as close as you allow them to. Their level of influence whether be positive or negative is determined by you. 

You don't like what someone stands for? Give them their straw back! 

You don't like how someone makes you feel? 

Give them their staw back! 

You don't like how someone's point of view?  

Give them their straw back! 

You don't like what someone posts online? 

Give them their staw back! (As well as hit the "unfollow" button which works wonders) 

Their are SO many wonderful, strong, influential people in this world. Don't focus on the small minority that are out to make things miserable. You choose whom you allow into your life. If you don't like something, let it go. Walk away. 

Give them their straw back. 

Today, I cleaned out my closet.

Today, I cleaned out my closet. It doesn’t seem like any great feat, but if you know me, you know I have hoarding tendencies. I keep too much, for too long, far beyond their purpose and long after their expiration. So today, I decided would be my day. Today, I get rid of every shirt that’s too short and too tight, every pair of jeans that could fit if only I lost another 5-7 pounds, every shoe that has been collecting dust, every sweater with a hole in the sleeve and every last shirt that I can date back to high school.

Today, I let go of everything that I’ve held on to for far too long.

Leading up to this point, every time I thought about it I would either procrastinate OR I would literally have anxiety. “Well, what if I want to wear it” or “What about if I lose this weight, I will need these” and “I know I haven’t worn it in 2 years but I might…”

My irrational fear of letting go of just a few articles of clothing prompted me to examine myself just a little further.

If I was this reluctant to let go of these items, things that hold little to no value, things that no longer fit, that have outworn their lifespan, then how many more things (bigger things, more significant things) have I refused to let go of?

I began to think of all the shirts and sweaters I've accumulated that have seen their fair share of wears and washes, shirts that have holes in them combined with a botched patch job. It reminded me of situations in my life right now, situations that are broken beyond reconciliation  yet I continue to do a "patch job" on them, trying desperately  to hold on to those things that once worked well, but are now far beyond repair. I began to think of all the situations in my life whether it be attitudes, relationships or even responsibilities that once fit me well, but now they’ve become too snug, ill-fitting and anything but flattering. I began to think of the bad experiences, the offenses, the hurts and pains that like my shoes have piled up, in the dark corners of the closet, doing nothing but taking up space, collect dust, leaving little room for anything else.

It occurred to me that the root of my hoarding is an irrational fear of letting go. A fear that if I let go, there will be a void, an emptiness, a place that may never be filled again. Like many, my desperate attempt to cling onto everything (and everyone) has been driven by a deep fear that if I let go, I may never have something to fill that space again.

In my limited mind I’ve been afraid that letting go = losing and losing = emptiness. Little did I know that letting go doesn't mean losing, it means growing. Letting go is a necessary and healthy part of growth. Growing out of the things that no longer suit you and making room for the things that are to come is part of a healthy life cycle. Look at the trees; do they not shed their leaves each fall? Do they not remain barren through the winter? And do they not grow new leaves once again in the spring season?

Today, I cleaned out more than just my closet. I cleaned out that place in my heart where I’ve harbored hurt and offense for too long, that place in my mind that has been cluttered with ill- fitting and un-flattering thoughts, that place in my deep down inside where my fears have held my faith captive.

I encourage you, to look around, life was not meant to remain the same. Let go. You’ll never know what awaits you until you have the courage to let go and move on…

 

 

Without Rival

I saw this quote and instantly loved it. 

How beautiful is it when a variety of flowers, all types, sizes, shapes and colors come together and blossom under the sun? Is it not one of the most beautiful sights to behold? 

This beautiful imagery reminds me of life. Each of us like a flower, beautiful in our own way, gorgeous in size, stature and color, coming together to bloom under the Son. 

A flower is beautiful on it's own, this is true, but together they are breathtaking and without sunlight, they will perish.  

What am I saying? How wonderful to live a life like the flower that doesn't compete with the flower to the left or the right, rather it just BLOOMS under the light of the Son. 

Oh to be like the flower, without rival. That is my prayer, that I would embrace my differences, allow my individuality to complement the lives of those who surround me, while allowing them to complement mine. To live a life free of comparison, without rival. 

That's my prayer. Lord, let me live and love without rival. 

Missed Opportunities

Have you ever felt like you completely missed an awesome opportunity? As if someone literally handed you success on a silver platter and all you could manage to do is knock it over and watch the pieces disperse all over the floor as you thought "That was stupid"? Well, I had that moment this week. Big time. 

You see yesterday marked my three year anniversary at my job and as a result I had my annual performance review. I've been really excited about this and really looking forward to all the potential places my current position could possibly manifest into. My boss and I have been in communication about this day, planning and preparing yet as the day approached, I felt underprepared (to say the least). 

I’ll spare you all the details and just get straight to the point. Over the course of our 90 minute meeting, there was about 30 seconds that changed my perspective on life instantaneously.  The moment that made me say WOW, the moment everything seemed to make sense to me.  As we discussed my performance, my growth, my position and my potential, he said these words to me:

"Your only limitation is your imagination"

Now, I'm not saying that my boss is God or even hears from God for that matter, BUT I will tell you that on NUMEROUS occasions I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt, God is speaking directly to me through my boss. This was without a doubt one of those moments. 

WOW. My only limitation is my own imagination. As we continued talking my mind began to wander to all the places where this has not only been true but has been a real struggle for me without even realizing it. It’s amazing how one sentence has the potential to unlock so much raw thought and emotion.

I realized that I missed this opportunity because in my own mind, I already decided what I was and wasn't capable of. I had played out the scenario in my mind of what could and what would happen, completely closing the door to the possibility that things might not be the way I see them. This left me to think of all the times I let my own imagination get the best of me and inevitably missed awesome opportunities because of my own crazy thought process. How many times have I said things such as:

“What if I’m wrong?”

“What if I can’t?”

“What if I mess up?”

“I don’t think I’m qualified”

“I’m not smart enough”

“I don’t have the proper education”

“How do I know this is right?”

“If I mess this up, everyone is going to laugh and say I told you so”

“I think I’m in way over my head”

My mind has thought of countless, ridiculous, unrealistic scenarios for failure. SO many, that you would think I’m crazy, and to be honest, maybe you’re right.. These days, I’m not too sure! Hopefully I’m not the ONLY one.

How many times have you been given an opportunity for something, anything, big or small and you’ve completely blown it because of your own imagination? You allow your thoughts to wander into the wilderness where the untamed feelings of failure, defeat and worthlessness grow wild and choke out every bit of good there could have otherwise been.

As I’ve continued to meditate on those words I’ve found more and more truth in them.  (Just to make this clear, I’m not meditating on the thoughts or opinions of a random person. I know that this was God specifically speaking to me and my situation.)

It’s funny, I love writing and I want to be a write.  I not only blog but author books and yet I rarely talk about that with anyone. I rarely share this dream with anyone and I rarely open up about this vision for my life. I really don’t know why. I’ve been in situations where people say “What do you want to do with your life?” or “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” or “What do you believe you’ve been called to do?” and I honestly, cannot muster up the courage to SAY what it is that I believe I’m put on this earth for. I don’t know why. Something inside of me is completely intimidated by the prospect and terrified of what people would think. “Who does she think she is?” “What makes her so sure she’s even a good writer, let alone author material”. Wild, wild thoughts go through my mind. Even as I’m writing, I’m concerned that I’ve said too much. To be honest, I’m almost certain this is my first time even openly writing about this topic.

I really want to know what God is trying to say, what is He trying to pull out of me? I was in the shower this evening and again, still thinking about this, meditating on it and asking God just what does this mean, and I felt like the Lord told me:

What you conceive in your mind, believe in your heart and confess with your mouth,

YOU CAN ACHIEVE.

I know that there is nothing special about me apart from God. I know that my strength, my abilities, my success and my vision all comes from Him. I’m realizing more and more that as I deny those things within me, I deny His greatness within me. It’s not about me and what I can or can’t do, it’s about the One who created me and what He can enable and equip me to do. I know that there is nothing I can do apart from Him but I also know that with Him, all things are possible.

My imagination may have gotten the best of me for some time now, but not anymore.

My mind is set.

My heart is committed.

My mouth has declared it.

I can (and I will) do all things through (not separate or apart from) Christ who strengthens me according to His will (not mine). In Jesus name, yes & AMEN.

Be Brave.

Just as 2013 was coming to end, I posted this picture up on my Instagram account with the following caption: 

"If I had to sum up my expectations for 2014 into two words, these would be them. BE BRAVE💫 Believing this year will bestow many challenges and changes, supernatural growth and unheard of favor. I think this is the year I will step out of everything I've ever know, move forward into all I've ever dreamt of and see more strength and beauty in my life then I've ever imagined. The past two years have brought more blessings than I could have ever imagined but I believe this year will push me forward, with boldness and strength into an uncharted place, a place I've only seen in my dreams.... #future #walkitout #byfaith #notfear #bebrave #thetimeisnow" 

Just 12 short weeks later I feel like those words are coming alive in my life. I'm thankful that even through adversity and what seemed like failed faith, God has still been able to refine and redefine His purpose for my live. 

If there is one thing I've learned it is that being brave does not equal the absence of fear. In fact, it is the complete opposite. Being brave means in the midst if the madness, in the face of adversity and when your situation seems so big it could swallow you alive, even then, you move forward in faith. Being brave says "I will not shrink back". 

I may not fight fires or take out bad guys for a living, but I know that daily my beliefs are challenged and my faith is forced to be brave. Daily I struggle to reconsile what reality says is with what my faith says should be. Daily I am pushed beyond my comfort zone and into the realm of unknown. Daily I push my limits past anything recognizable. 

I realize that the life and legacy I deeply desire to see unfold before me is going to take a fight and it is going to take a brave stance.  

I really don't know what tomorrow, the next day, the next month or even the next year will bring but I do know that regardless of what happens, whether it be good or bad, happy or sad, fun or failure, joy or pain, through it all, I will be brave. 

What is standing in your way today? What have you backed down to for far too long? A fear? An insecurity? A feeling of hopelessness? A failed plan? A broken heart? A failed relationship? A deadend job? A frustration? A feeling of uselessness? What is standing in your way? 

Do not fear. Do not shrink back. Every time you face fear, you have is an opportunity to be brave. Stand up, step out and BE BRAVE. It's time. 

It's a Collaberation

We all have something awesome to bring to the table. Each of us has gifts, talents, strengths and weaknesses that come together collectively for a greater purpose. Yet how many times do we focus less on what we have, and more on what we don’t or even worse, we focus on what OTHERS have. I’ve read before that comparison is the thief of joy and this couldn’t be any more true. Any time you spend your days comparing yourself to those around you, you suck the joy and peace right out of your life.

Who are you in competition with? You may say no one, but let me ask you like this; who do you compare yourself to on a daily basis? 

Have you ever found yourself saying something like this:

“Well, if I had that much time…”

“If I made that much money”

“If I was married”

“If I was single”

“If my kids were older”

“If my kids were younger”

“If I had less responsibility”

 “If I had more friends”

“If I was that smart”

“If I had that body”

“If my wife was like his”

“If my husband was like hers”

“If my family supported me”

“If I had a nicer car”

“If I had a smaller house”

“If I had a bigger house”

"If I had a better job" 

"If I didn't have to work"

Everyday whether we realize it or not we put ourselves in competition with those around us. We aren’t trying to live OUR life and maximize OUR strengths, talents and abilities, rather we spend our days thinking about how much easier it would be if we had what the next person had, and then we work in vain to try and attain those things that were not meant for us in this season of life. 

What would happen if you took hold of what you have, right now, right where you are and you maximized the potential that you behold? What would that look like?  

Everyday when you wake up, instead of looking to the right or the left in envy of what those around you have, look inward. What is inside of you, waiting to bust out and change the world around you? What do you possess right now that could change your home, you family, your friends, your job?

You might not have what the next person has to offer, but you do have something and together, we can make a collaboration of something great.

A beautiful life is not a competition, it’s collaboration.

Fight For Your Life

Today marks 9 months since my daughter was born. She has officially spent the same amount of time OUTSIDE of my womb as she did INSIDE. This is such a surreal feeling for me. Watching her grown and change weekly (if not DAILY) has been such a blessing to me. I love how her personality comes out more each day. She's always learning new things, trying different foods and developing her own preferences. For example, doesn't like to wear socks, but she does like to sleep on her side. She doesn't like crawling but she will stand up on just about anything. She isn't a fan of large groups of people and chaos but she does like loud music and noise. (I think she gets that from her daddy!) Anyways, the more she grows and changes, the more I am reminded of the circle of life. 

Life is all about learning and growing, change and adjustment. No matter how young or old you are, this cycle starts at birth and ends at death.

Seeing how much my daughter changes on a day to day basis has become a point of reference for how much I don't change on a daily basis. Much of my life (of course with the exception of getting married, buying a house and having a baby) has remained the same for some time now. I've noticed that even in the midst of major life changes, a lot of the "little things" have remained the same. 

Over the last few months I have struggled with a continuous cycle of trial and error to find balance in life. Being a mom, working full time, working in ministry full time, being a wife, friend, daughter, finding time to work out, finding ME time and even a moment to rest has been interesting to say the least. Taking care of the people and things around me while making a desperate attempt not to loose myself has been a challenge. It's been an inner battle as well because prior to the birth of my daughter, I had a good balance in my life and sometimes I miss that. Work, home, family, friends, marriage and of course ME time were all essential to a happy, healthy lifestyle and before Savannah, I had this all down pack.

Or did I?....

Recently I spent an evening in my office reading through some old notebooks and journals that dated back to 2008 and came all the way through to 2014. As I was reading something became evident; the struggle for balance has always been there. The frustrations, the obstacles, the challenges, they've all been the same over time. PRIOR to marriage and POST marriage, PRIOR to home ownership and POST home ownership, PRIOR to my involvement in ministry and POST ministry, PRIOR to the birth of my daughter and POST her arrival.

It's funny because although having Savannah has been a HUGE adjustment, I wonder how much of my struggle for balance has been self induced. I mean, I've had the same issue for years, the only thing that has changed is my excuse for why it happens. It makes me wonder, we all have 24 hours in a day, right? Yet some of us use our time to do much and some waste time doing little. I'm realizing more and more the struggle isn't because of one thing or another. Although it would be nice to pin point a scape goat for our inability to "get it together", could it be that the problem actually lies within? Could the desperate attempt for balance be a result of our quickness to waste time carelessly rather than invest time wisely. 

What are you doing today, right now, this moment, that will bring you one step closer to your goal. Will you accomplish anything today that will help better your tomorrow? Will you invest your time wisely so you can see the fruit of your labor later, or will you let time dwindle away until you're bankrupt? These are all questions I've been asking myself regularly. 

Success doesn't just happen. It's a daily, conscious, calculated and consistent pursuit. You can't just WANT it, you have to WORK for it. 

This reminds me of a conversation my husband and I had just weeks after Savannah's arrival. We left her with my mom for the first time and we went out for our first post baby date night. Over dinners and drinks I told him how I was at times overwhelmed by the adjustment and how badly I wanted to regain control of my life again and how I wanted to get my body back along with my rest and free time. I remember him looking across the table and saying "Lori, you have to fight for your life". 

Now anyone that knows my husband knows this is a rather typical answer. His solution is always push harder, be stronger, work wiser and make it happen. He will never give me the green light to quit because something is "too hard", he has and probably always will force me to look deeper and find the strength I need to persevere.  

Sometimes, in the moment this can be annoying, at times I've even found him to be insensitive but ultimately I see that he's right. (Shhh... Don't tell him I said that). Sometimes you have to really fight for your life. Fight to get the balance you desire, fight for strength, fight for focus, fight for the passion to pursue greatness. 

I've realized I can't always do everything, but I can always do something. I won't submit to the burden of busy. We all have the time, it's just a matter of investing it wisely rather than wasting it foolishly. 

Is it worth it? Then fight for it. 

FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE.