The last week or so has been pretty trying for me. I have a ton of competing emotions going on in my mind and I started to feel a little overwhelmed by them all.
With my husband away last week, followed by a busy weekend it wasn't until just last night that we were able to talk and he helped me sort through the madness in my mind.
Our talk was super encouraging and I felt "better" after the short ride home from the grocery store or so I thought. But, God knew me better than that. He knew I was still uneasy and although I knew everything my husband said was true, I still couldn't quite make his words of faith MY tangible reality.
As we got out of the car my husband said "Just grab Rylee, I got everything else." With dinner in the front seat, both our children in the back seat and groceries in the trunk, I naturally headed to get Savannah.. "Listen to me!" He said. "Just grab Rylee and I'll get the rest."
"Well, if you insist" I thought to myself.
Awkwardly walking away from Savannah, heading for Rylee and then slowly walking away from the full car, I made my way upstairs.
Shortly after I heard Savannah "Daddy, carry me!! Carry me, Daddy! Carry me!!" I opened the door because I knew at this point, he was going to need some help. Reuben has a "one trip" rule so I knew he was carrying everything from that car all at once at that moment. It's just what he does, all the time. This meant, there's no way he could also carry up our two year old.
I opened the door, expecting to be of some assistance but what I saw and heard next was not only entertaining, but food for my soul.
Reuben was standing at the bottom of the stairs, hands filled, bags lining his forearms and Savannah starring up at him. "What now?" I thought.
"Sav, hold on to my neck" he said.
"Ok, Daddy... Daddy, you got me?" Sav said.
"Yes baby, I got you. Just hold on and don't let go." He replied.
I just stared at them both. Reuben, arms full carrying every bag that was packed into our trunk. Savannah, holding onto his neck, not a worry in the world.
She didn't say "Dad, are you sure?" "Am I took heavy?" "Are the bags too much?" "Should I just walk?"
No, she simply listened to her father.
She held on and didn't let go.
Although it looked crazy (and borderline unsafe) from my perspective, Savannah wasn't concerned. He said he had her. He said just hold on. He said he wouldn't let her fall. And that was enough for her.
In that moment I knew what my Heavenly Father was trying to tell me.
"Just hold on. I know my hands seem full, I know you wonder if I can carry the burdens of this world AND the weight of your worry, but I can. Just hold on. And don't let go."
And like that, I resolved in my heart to just hold on and never let go. Does it mean I don't have moments of worry? Or doubt? Or fear? Absolutely not. It just means that in the midst of it all, I know if I just hold on, He'll carry me through.
I'm safe in the arms of my Father.
