Becoming

Have you ever been in a relationship that left you feeling disappointed?  Used? Unsatisfied? Hurt? Mistreated? Forgotten? Left out? Under- appreciated? Un-noticed? Judged? Or misused?

Maybe this stems from a parent who abandoned you, a sibling who rejected you, friends who disappointed you, a spouse that violated your trust or family members who felt more like strangers. Although this might look different for many of us, the reality is, we've all experienced relational disappointment at some time in our life. It's that soul crushing experience that leaves our expectations unfulfilled and our hearts broken and  half empty. 

I've realized in the last several months that one of my biggest struggles has come from expecting far more from others then they were willing {or capable} of giving and because of this I've found myself stuck in the darkness of relational disappointment.

'I thought they would understand.' 

'I thought they would have support me.' 

'I  thought they would have been there for me.' 

'I  thought they were dependable'

'I thought they were loyal' 

'I thought they were a Christian!'

'I thought they could be trusted'

My list could go on forever, and your list might look different but these are a few from my own personal experiences. 

I love deeply, I'm loyal and I give my whole heart and mind to things and people regularly. My general expectation is that others would meet that same need for me and the standard would be reciprocated but far too often the reality has been something totally different and at times the results have been earth shattering to me.

My list of ‘I thought' quickly turned into phrases like;

‘I should have known better’

‘They’re all the same’

‘I knew it’

‘How could I have been so stupid’

‘This is why I don’t let people in’

And so on and so on. Feelings of brokenness, regret and frustration overtake my mind and cloud my judgment. Before I know it, I’m surrounded by a sea of ‘should have, could have, would have's [&] 'they will never fool me twice’ thoughts.

Unfortunately relational disappointment is real and no matter how awesome a person is, they are still just human and they will disappoint you. The key is getting through this disappointment better, not bitter.

Through the brokenness, through the emptiness, through the hurt and through the pain I have realized that maybe, just maybe the 'friend' I was searching for, the relationship I was missing isn't actually missing at all. Maybe what I'm looking for is just hidden within me. Maybe the longing I had was really a longing to see the woman deep within me revealed. Maybe the disappointment that I faced wasn't because of what others couldn't be, but rather an underlying feeling of what I should be and couldn’t seem to express. 

Could it be that the friend I've been looking for all this time was hidden deep within me?.. 

Could it be that what I was looking in others was actually nestled deep within my own soul?..

The person who loves and encourages me, the one who motivates and inspires me, the one who sees the best in me and pulls it out. The person who is trust worthy, faithful and kind, fierce and strong, wise and courageous. Could it be that that person is within me, waiting to be discovered?

The world needs more love, more joy, more hope, more peace, more encouragement, more inspiration, more consistency. Could it be that you are the very expression of those things that this world is missing?

After countless disappointment and endless frustration, I realized something. If I couldn't find her, I would be become her.

I would be the very expression of all things lovely that I desperately wanted to see within my friends, my family and my community. I would wait no longer to find it, I would simply be it.

While I am waiting, so is the world... I couldn't find her, so I became her. 

She is...

Lately I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed and slightly stressed about life. I’ve been thinking about all the things I need to do (or should stop doing), my personal ‘to do’ list has become a ‘to dread’ list and I’ve just been feeling different. Things that shouldn’t bother me, do and things that use to bring me joy, don’t. I began to reflect on a blog I wrote called Surely shortly before my first daughter was born. The Lord had strengthened me and enlarged my faith so much through that post, but today, I didn’t feel as strong as I did in that season.

Knowing that God is the same, I can admit the only difference between then and now must be hidden within me. Acknowledging that and realizing that these feelings and my perspective would take my life in a direction I did not intend to go, I’ve decided to make a very conscious decision to start my days earlier and fix my focus before life fixes it for me.

For me this process has been waking up before my daughters and having my first cup of coffee with Jesus. In the peaceful, quiet, stillness of my home I’ve been intentional about fixing my heart and mind heavenward before life gave me an opportunity to do otherwise.

This particular morning I decided to go back to the good and faithful Proverbs 31 woman. I love this piece of scripture because it embodies a woman that I do not yet know personally, yet my heart feels close to her. She inspires so many women and yet in her day to day duties, she probably had no idea anyone was watching her, let alone that people would be talking about her all this time later.

As I read, I began to write;

-          She is valuable

-          She lacks nothing

-          She is consistent

-          She is wise

-          She is an investor

-          She helps others

-          She is considerate and compassionate

-          She is a hard worker

-          She is resourceful

-          She is business savvy

-          She is diligent

-          She is prepared

-          She faces life like a boss

-          She gets her hands dirty

-          She is brave

-          She is wise

-          She is well articulated

-          She is fearless

-          She is resourceful

-          She likes beautiful things

-          She brings honor to her husband

-          She represents the Lord well

-          She takes care of others

-          She also takes care of herself

-          She is confident

-          She fills her life with things that have purpose

-          She is authentic

-          She is loved

-          She is honored

-          She is rewarded

-          Because she fears the Lord, she fears nothing else.  

When I came to the end of the passage I felt the Lord whisper to my heart ‘Look at all that she is. There is no mention of what she is not’.

For me this subtle whisper gave me hope, gave me peace and gave me permission to exhale. I am constantly fixated on growth and progress which means often times I can fixate on what I’m not, what I need to fix and where I’m lacking. Yet here I read scripture after scripture not about what she doesn’t do, but rather all about what she does do.

This passage focuses on the strengths, not shortcomings.

I’m reminded this morning to focus on what I can do, what I should do, who I am, who I will one day be, and not on everything I’m not.

This women wasn’t perfect, she couldn’t have been, none of us are but she focused on the right things at the right time and because of that, she was successful. She knew whom she served and because of that, she knew who she was. Did she face confusion? Insecurities? Doubt? I’m sure but unlike many of us, it’s likely that she faced it and moved on. Those things may have been a speed bump on her journey, but they surely would not become a road block. She got over it, she moved on, and she focuses on important things, fruitful things an d because of that, she is a hero to women who never even knew her.

Today I’m encouraged to face ‘it’ but to move on. I hope you are too.

Proudest Moment #bloggerchallenge #day11

There are a few moments in my life that I look back and I’m like ‘Wow, I can’t believe I did that’. Giving birth to my children, going back to school and being ordained, to name a few. However, the one moment that I am the most proud of has to be my wedding day.

For those of you who know my husband and I, you know part of our story and the years leading up to our marriage. For those of you who don’t, I will keep it short and sweet by saying we are high school sweethearts and we’ve been through a lot {and I mean, A LOT}  together.

Leading up to our wedding we had drastically changed our lifestyles and we were committed to one another in a way we had never experienced before. After a whirl wind romance and 24 hour engagement {you can read more about this story here; My Best Yes } my husband and I got married.

I remember knowing that this was the biggest decision I would ever make. I believe that your spouse has the power to add value to your life or take it away. They will either build you up or tear you down. They will lead you into the fullness of your destiny or they will drag you away. I was young, but I was not naive to the repercussions of saying ‘yes’ at the wrong time, for the wrong reasons, to the wrong person but deep in my soul, I knew this was right.

My husband asked me to trust him and I did and I still do. Walking down that aisle to meet him at the other end was probably the best moment of my life. Marrying him opened my heart in a way I never knew possible, he has encouraged me and inspired me to be the best  ‘me’ I could ever be, he’s made me a mother and he’s opened my love for him in a new way because of the way he loves our daughters.

I’m not sure that there is any decision I’ve ever made that compares to this one. He was and still is my best yes. I’m so incredibly thankful for the home and family we’ve built together. I wake up daily wondering how this could be my real life, how could I be so blessed?

There were people who thought we shouldn’t get married, that we were too young, that it was too fast or others who thought this shot gun marriage was to cover up an unexpected pregnancy, all of which was wrong.

My proudest moment was looking past all of that. Every naysayer, every opinion, every statistic and believing in love;  genuine love.

I’m so thankful for my husband. I can’t imagine my life without him. He has been amazing to me and he’s a superhero to our daughters. He is my most proud moment, that day, today and every day!

First Celebrity Crush #bloggerchallenge #day10

This is tough and I think it's a tie between JTT from Home Improvement and Will Smith from Fresh Prince of Bel- Air. I had a huge crush on both of these guys growing up. Oh and possibly Zack Morris from Saved by the Bell!

Now, I'm kind of meh about all three. It's crazy how your feelings change overtime!

Piercings and Tattoos #bloggerchallenge #day9

Piercings and Tattoos!

I am not completely boring, I actually have one of each. I got my belly button pierced when I was 16. That was .... painful! But I really wanted it, so it was totally worth it. Now over a decade later, I still have it!

Secondly, I have a tattoo of a cross on the inside of my left ankle. I love it. I wanted it for the longest time but since I have a commitment issue, I was totally afraid of getting it. I literally drew a black cross on my ankle for weeks, almost months, on my ankle every single day until finally I was like OK I really want this. When I got it done, it was semi painful, but more annoying then anything. It didn't take too long but I honestly couldn't have sat much longer.

Now, I really want a couple more (3 to be exact) but I'll wait on it a bit until I decide for sure.. .We shall see!

Old Photo of Me #bloggerchallenge #day8

Because these pictures line up with some of my previous posts, here goes!!!

I told you I love food!! This is me, killing cake. Like a boss.... LOL Now I know where my girlies get it from.

 

Maybe this is where my dreams of working for the DEA or SVU started. My 'Uncle Tom' was a Norwalk Detective when I was a kid... I believe this was Halloween and I traded my Tiger outfit for his. 

This is me and my grandparents (from my Dad's side) on my birthday. This was basically EVERY birthday, cake, balloons and PICTURES!

My 10 Favorite Foods #bloggerchallenge #day7

I just have to say, the following post will explain why I will never have a 6- pack.. I LOVE FOOD. Here are my top ten choices!

1.       NACHOS. But not just any nachos, NACHO NIGHT NACHOS, covered in bacon grease. YUM.

2.       French toast. Regular French toast OR French toast bagels, muffins or toast (like cinnamon swirl).. I just love french toast.

3.       PASTA. I love pasta. Particularly aioli or alla vodka.

4.       Beverly’s Pizza. I really love all pizza, and I don’t discriminate but this is a list of FAVORITES.

5.       Mac and Cheese bites!!

6.       Buffalo wings, tenders and/ or dip. I love buffalo style stuff!

7.       Monfongo. My favvvvvvvvvvvvvvorite Spanish food.

8.       Avocado. This isn’t really a food, it’s more of a side but I put it on the side of basically everything. OR guacamole.

9.       LOADED anything. Baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc. Anything covered with cheese and bacon with ranch dipping sauce is heavenly.

10.   Burgers. But not just any burger, a good, juicy burger cooked med- rare (if it’s well done I’m not into that) I ate my first burger in life {EVER} about two years ago, and now I’m a believer.

I’m pretty sure this isn’t everything.. I didn’t add hibachi noodles, cake pops, baked mac and cheese, empanadas, cones, butter popcorn or coffee… But I guess that’s technically a drink.  

3 Personality Traits I am proud of... #bloggerchallenge #day6

Well. Just when I thought this was going well, this question has me stumped. 3 personality traits I am proud of?... I'm not sure! I'm really not. Let me think.

Ok, I guess if I had to choose, it would be... 

1.) I'm discerning. I have an incredible intuition. I typically 'just know' about certain things and I love that! I love that I don't experience a whole lot of confusion about things, deep in my soul, I just get it. 

2.) I'm loyal. I'm not a completely sucker but when it comes to friends, family or commitments, I'm loyal! It takes a lot for me to turn away from something or someone, and when I do, it's typically reactive not proactive. Meaning, if I 'walk away' it's because I've been forced to do so.  I'm not the type to bounce through friends or jobs, I might be slow to commit but once I do, it's for the long run! 

3.) I'm trustworthy. You would be amazed by the things people tell me. For some reason people can talk to me and it works for them. I've had people close to me and even those I barely know call me just to talk or ask to meet up to talk. People I KNOW and people I'm aquatinted with, people younger, older and my age, people married or not, from my faith background and not, and the list can go on..... I love that people can confide in me. I love that I can be trusted with the depths of someone's soul. I love that God can and has used me in that capacity. Everyone needs someone to talk to and I'm thankful I can be that person to many people.

Well that wasn't so bad! What started off hard and awkward ended relatively well. Sometimes it's hard to see the best in yourself but if you don't, who will? 

My Guilty Pleasure #bloggerchallenge #day5

NETFLIX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is my one and only mindless, useless, waste of time guilty pleasure. I absolutely love it. When I’m doing stuff, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. I really like to have some kind of background noise. Sometimes I listen to preaching’s, sometimes I listen to audiobooks but other times, I just check out of reality and check into fantasy land and I just get lost in another world.

I love Law and Order SVU (Benson is my GIRL! And I’m so sad Stabler is gone…. *moment of silence for Stabler*) I loved Chopped and most recently, I’ve been OBSESSED with Breaking Bad. I’m half way through the last season (which I plan to finish this weekend in between homework) and I’m so sad to say good- bye to it!

For me personally, checking out is essential for my mental health. In addition, I find that it expands my mind! Like really.. I’ve learned a lot watching chopped and I now have a secret fantasy of being a Psychologist for the DEA or SVU.

I am all for guilty pleasures in moderation, ESPECIALLY if they help your overall productivity.

Thank you Netflix, you’ve been great.

My Earliest Childhood Memory #bloggerchallenge #day4

I have no idea! Is that horrible?.. Probably. But it’s the absolute TRUTH. I literally have the worst memory, ever. I barely remember last year, let alone 29 years ago.

To make things worse (or better depending on how you look at it) my parents kept a VERY good, detailed record of just about every day of my life. Literally. We have pictures GALORE so while sometimes I think I remember something, other times I could just be reflecting on a picture I saw.

To me, this is a great reminder of life and memory. Sometime it’s not always what has happened to you, but rather your perception of it. For example, I have seen pictures of me and a birthday cake from literally every birthday ever (that my parents have been responsible for anyways) throughout the years. Because I’ve seen these pictures, my assumption is that ‘I’ve always had a birthday party’. Now what the picture doesn’t show me is if anyone was actually there besides my parents and siblings, it doesn’t show me if I had any presents or decorations, it doesn’t even show me if I had a good day, but simply seeing a picture of me and a birthday cake leads me to believe that every single year my parents made sure my birthdate was a special day for me.

I’m pretty certain that my reflection is correct, but if it wasn’t, who would tell me? Life isn’t always about what happens to you, it’s about how you perceive the things that happen to you. YOU decide whether you reflect on the good or the bad, you decide whether or not you dance in the rain, YOU decide whether the glass is half empty or full.

Meaning of My Business Name #bloggerchallenge #day3

Well for starters, I’m not sure that this would be considered a business. A platform for expression? Maybe. But a business? I’m not sure about that. Not yet anyways.

One thing that many people do not know is the name/ brand of my blog. It’s something I came up with a couple years ago while writing.  I started searching for a logo design and even bought a domain name for my website but I have not yet implemented any of it. Come to think of it, as I’m writing now, I feel like what better time than now? Why wait any longer? Or procrastinate anymore?

Anyways, the name of my blog is ‘Forever Flourish’. The name to me is symbolic of all things lovely and all things beautiful, it represents our potential and purpose to continue growing and evolving into the woman (or man) we’ve been created to be throughout this journey called life.

A couple of my favorite definitions of ‘flourish’ are as follows:

1.       (of a person, animal, or other living organism) grow or develop in a healthy or vigorous way, especially as the result of a particularly favorable environment

2.       (of a person) wave (something) around to attract the attention of others:

3.       a bold or extravagant gesture or action, made especially to attract the attention of others.

The first definition talks about ‘growing or developing in a healthy way ESPECIALLY as a result of a particular favorable environment.’ I personally believe no matter who you are, where you live, what you do or what season of life you’re in, it is God’s desire that you flourish there. Often times we believe that when we get to a certain place; ‘when I have a house’ or ‘when I get this job’.  For others, it’s about a marital status or when you have kids or when your kids grow up and for others it’s when you graduate school. 

While these things are important and life changing,  it’s my personal belief that you were created to flourish wherever you are with whatever you’re doing. The ‘favorable environment’ you’re looking for to flourish in, is the one right around you. The one you’re sitting in, the one you’re living in. Where you are, right now, with what you have. This is YOUR FAVORABLE ENVIRONMENT simply because it’s yours.

Like a fish in a dog kennel or a dog stuck at sea, it’s not about where you are but rather being where you were meant to be. Finding your own rhythm in life, finding your own place and knowing that wherever that is, it’s better than any other place you could find.

As a married woman with two kids, full time ministry, full time employee and part time student, I have my days when I feel like ‘when they get bigger it will be easier’ or ‘once I graduate, things will slow down’ or ‘if I had a maid, things would be better’ but it’s truly my heart’s desire to flourish right where I am, with what I have during the specific season I’m in.

My blog is about living that journey out loud and encouraging as many people as I can to follow. Maybe your story isn’t like mine, maybe you don’t have children or a spouse, maybe you aren’t in school or employed, but I can assure you, like many of us there is something that makes your heart leap and there are things around you that make that ‘thing’ seem in possible to attain.

Deep in my soul I hear, ‘What if it’s not impossible?  What if I can do it? What if I can make it? Surely there is enough grace!’

I believe that we were created to flourish, indefinitely and independent of our circumstances.  My blog is documentation of that process.

20 Facts About ME #bloggerchallenge #day2

Today is DAY TWO of my #bloggerchallenge !! Today's challenge is to list 20 facts about myself.
Here goes :)

1.       I’m the middle child

2.       I have a sister 9 years older and a brother 9 years younger

3.       I grew up in Norwalk, CT

4.       I took Japanese for 3 years (however I only remember how to count to 10)

5.       I married my high school sweetheart after a 24 hour engagement

6.       I talk in my sleep (haha!)

7.       Despite never really being good at reading, I really like to read.

8.       I’m a Psych major which means I have to be intentional about NOT psycho analyzing you (everyone becomes my case study! Bahahaa!)  

9.       Before majoring in Psych I really wanted to be a Speech Pathologist

10.   I worked in a restaurant for several years as a waitress (and I actually really miss it)

11.   I love nachos and tacos, I could eat it every single day!

12.   I had ZERO input on my wedding besides picking out my wedding dress, every single other thing was done for me!

13.   I have two little girls, Sav who is 3 and Rylee who is 1.

14.   I would love a big family.

15.   I went to Australia with two of my best friends!! It was AMAZING.

16.   I get insanely delusional after 9pm (ish)

17.   I’m pretty convinced ANY DIY project can be done!  

18.   I’m terrified of the dark, something to do with an unreasonable fear of being kidnapped (although I’m not a kid)

19.   I almost failed out of public speaking, it has always been terrifying to me!!

20.   Until my pregnancy w/ Sav, I couldn’t even tolerate pepper, now I LOVE SPICY. I guess you can say my first born ‘spiced up my life’ :) 

Intro :) #bloggerchallenge #day1

My name is Lori Burgos and I love to write!

I’ve had a passion for writing for quite some time now. I can still remember the first time I realized ‘Hey, I can do this!’

I was in the 7^th grade and our class read the book ‘The Giver’.  At the end of the book, my teacher assigned us all with the task of writing an essay about what memory we would want to have given the choice to have one and only one.

I wrote about the memory of grandparents. In my essay I talked about my grandparents, my experiences with them, our adventures and how all of those things impacted my life and made me feel. It was the first time that I realized I could really share my world, my heart and my thoughts through my words in a way that others could understand.

Since then, I’ve enjoyed doing it more and more as the years went on.

In 2013, right before the birth of my first born, I decided to start a blog. I still remember waking up early, early, early one Sunday morning and posting my first ever blog. It was great! I felt awesome! I wasn’t sure that anyone would read it, but putting it out there made me feel accomplished.

Since then I’ve done writing in several different capacities, including my blog but I have yet to find a consistent rhythm in my writing. My hope is through the next 31 days, I will write past my ‘writers block’ and find a good routine for my writing.

In addition to writing, I’m obsessed with my family. I’ve been happily married for almost 8 years now, I have two daughters, Savannah (3) and Rylee (1). They are just about the cutest kids a person could ask for! Being a mom has absolutely changed my life and I wouldn’t change it for anything. It’s definitely challenged and stretched me more than I ever knew possible.

Aside from writing, I am working on my Bachelor’s degree in Psychology at the University of Bridgeport, I work for a Re-Entry program in Downtown Bridgeport AND I’m a Youth Pastor at our local church. My life is FULL to say the least but I love every minute of it. My hope is that I can encourage my readers through my stories and experiences on this journey called life!

My Reflection

Have you ever gotten up from a good night of sleep feeling well rested and ready to rock the day? Getting ready your hair seems to fall just right, you make up looks flawless? Your outfit is cute, comfy AND fits well? Your coffee comes out just right, the sun is shining and all signs point to a good day.

I love those days! But the reality is, not every day is picture perfect. Not every day goes according to plan. Not every day feels good. Not every day looks good.

So what do you do with the ‘off days’? How do you handle those?

Today after staying in bed for just one too many snoozes, I got ready, looked at myself in the mirror and just sighed. I wasn’t very content with what I saw. I wasn’t happy with my reflection. My hair was pulled back in a messy bun, my shirt was kind of wrinkled from pulling it out of the laundry basket last minute, my nails looked short and chopping and my stomach, well let’s just say the ‘momma pouch’ is a real thing.

I whispered… ‘God, help me to love myself past my reflection.’

I hate that how I feel about myself at times is contingent upon my outward appearance, my wardrobe or the condition of my hair. When I look good, I feel good. There’s nothing wrong with looking good, but I need something more than that. My soul can’t be sustained by a love that is conditional of so many changing factors.

Learning to love myself past my reflection means learning to love myself far beyond what I can see in the mirror. It means learning to love myself for who I am and not what I look like.

Shortly after I murmured this prayer, I was reminded of the book of Genesis were we see that when God created man, He created him in His own image, in His own likeness.

Ironically enough, we serve an invisible God who cannot be seen by the naked eye and has no physical form. He is not tall and thin, He is not short and round, He is not blonde, brunette or redhead, He is not physically fit or out of shape. God is God and THAT is all He needs to be.

So what does that mean to be made in the image of someone who can’t be seen? Could it mean that our being is far more then what we see on the outside?

Sometimes as a mother and wife, being present in the everyday life of my children and husband, even work or ministry, means I can’t always be 100% present for myself. I can’t always be dressed up and done up, BUT despite what I look like on the outside, I’m still made in the image of love.

I am still beautiful.

Love yourself past the reflection you seen in the mirror because your reflection goes far past and much deeper then what you see. You are a reflection of a living God, the one who created you, the one who sustains you. You reflection is far more then skin and bones, hair and makeup, nails and clothes.

You are a reflection of strength, love, dignity and integrity. You are a mighty woman of valor and you have been fearfully and wonderfully made.

My prayer for you is that God can help you to love yourself deeper than this surface image and you can learn to love yourself for who you are and not just what you look like.

4 Things I Learned After Logging Off

Like many, social media has become a huge part of my everyday life. I've spent a lot of time connecting and networking, sharing my thoughts and ideas as well as posting pictures and videos of my children, husband and home. I’ve let people into my life in a very personal way while simultaneously entering theirs. I've found myself on numerous occasions 'putting myself out there' without actually having to go anywhere which is comfortable and convenient yet intrusive and evasive all at the same time. 　

Recently, I decided to log off. Just for a little while, but OFF nonetheless. I wanted to clear my mind and gather MY thoughts without interruption. When I logged off, I went through quite an interesting process. The first week or so, it was just WEIRD. Every late night feeding, quite moment or long line, I would open my phone only to see my apps were gone. Breaking the mere habit was a lot more difficult than I anticipated! I was ALWAYS going into default ‘scroll mode’. Eventually I dropped the bad habit and being disconnected became a little more normal for me. I didn’t think about who was posting what. I wasn’t concerned with the ever present drama and indirects, the frequent public invitation to the local pity party or what was on the agenda, lunch menu or vent list of my 200+ ‘friends’.

Life slowed down a bit; it became more intimate and meaningful. I was enjoying each moment rather than trying to capture it and oddly enough, I became more connected then I had ever been before. Connected to real things and real people.

What I thought would be one week, turned into two, into three and then into a month, and then two months and so on. The absolute unthinkable had happened, I LOVED IT. The freedom, the peace, the quiet. I loved it all!

But what was I loving so much? And how could I love not having something that I liked so much just weeks before? I’m really not sure what transpired in me. I still till this day have remained ‘unplugged’ with the exception of intermitted attempts to connect for ministry networking purposes. But why? What changed?

While I don’t really have specific answers to those questions, I can share with you my experience and the 4 things I learned after logging off.

       1.      There’s a false sense of community.

This is interesting considering that most people have dozens, if not hundreds, even thousands of ‘friends’ and/ or followers on social media. I see these people, or at least their profile, everyday! How could this be a false sense of community?

What I personally realized is that Facebook allows you to have relationships that are casual and non- committal, ones that are built on the foundation of convenience and accessibility. Confrontation has become cheap and casual and a lot can be said with very little, if any, accountability. You think you’re surrounded by ‘friends’ but in reality you’re very much alone.

It makes you wonder, is there such thing as deep, intimate, meaningful relationship or has everything dwindled to distant and digital?

       2.     It’s too loud!!

Have you ever been in a room full of people, the TV is on, miscellaneous videos playing on individual cell phones, toys singing, babies crying, children demanding your attention, your spouse talking to you, all while you’re cooking, cleaning, doing laundry AND suddenly, someone walks up and puts yet another distraction in your face?

This is life on social media. A constant distraction, calling your name and screaming for your attention. It’s come to the point where not even a single task can be accomplished without interruption.

3.       Comparison is the thief of joy.

Whether any of us like to admit it or not, we are all in a constant game of compare and contrast. We are socialized to measure up to those around us. Who’s faster? Stronger? Smarter? Prettier? Thinner? More successful? Better parent? Better spouse? And the list goes on.. But what does it benefit us to look to the left and look to the right? Here’s what I’ve learned; comparison is truly the thief of joy and when you find yourself feeling inferior to one, you will inevitably find yourself feeling superior to another. There’s a reason we were all made to be unique individuals, because in our uniqueness, comparison becomes apples to oranges; it’s just not fair, possible or true. No one is ‘better than you’ and you are no better than any. We are different and differences are a beautiful thing that we should not attempt to quantify.

4.       Constantly connected, never available.

How many times have you been sitting in a room, connected to hundreds of friends, available by text, email, phone, snapchat, text, google message, etc. etc. etc. yet you’re far from available to the people sitting feet away from you? I’ve found the more I’m connected, the less I’m available. I think I’m present because I’m physically in the room but my mind if far from engaged with those around me.   

By this point in my blog you’re probably assuming this is an anti- social media plea and it’s not, at all. I think when social media first began to take roots in our culture, it’s purpose was to connect individuals, build relationship, spread news both local and global, encourage, motivate and inspire others. Yet the platform has been repurposed, in ways has been tainted and could essentially be wasted if nothing changes.  Logging off made me realize how misused social media had been in my life, and how mentally draining it had become to me. But it also showed me how quickly that could turn around as well.

Social media, like anything else isn’t ‘bad’ but the way we use it will determine the effects it has on ourselves and others. We can repurpose the platform at any point. We can use it to encourage, motivate, inspire, connect and share in a positive way. There’s no need to let something so great, waste away because of things so petty. Social media is a tool, a platform, a gateway, my goal is to keep it that way!

Simple Steps to Success

Success in itself isn’t easy, but there are simple things you can do daily that will help make the road to success a journey worth taking. These aren’t all of them, and maybe they aren’t even the most important, but in my experience, they are effective. Enjoy J

C O U R A G E
Let’s all be honest; change is scary! No matter how much you want something, taking those first few steps can be terrifying! The courage to face not only our adversities but also our dreams is essential to our success! So many people fail in life not because of the things they encounter but the things they refuse to face. Look up, take heart! Be bold and face the future with courage and poise! What do you have to lose?

C O N S I S T A N C Y

We often get started, but how often do we finish? We can do something, anything, even MULTIPLE things really well here and there, but what about those things that you do continually and consistently? What does that look like? What does it look like to start the things that matter and keep them going? Consistency is fundamental characteristic to success that many of us are lacking. Keeping a routine takes self- control, a mental muscle not many of us are fond of flexing. It can be challenging at first, but if you keep at it you’ll be stronger, more confident and more likely to continue. I’ve heard it said ‘practice makes permanent’. What will you allow to become permanent in your life? A pattern of excuses or a lifestyle of consistency where it matters?

C O L L A B O R A T I O N

The road to success may be narrow but it doesn’t need to be lonely. Life is so much better as a collaboration rather than a competition. It’s OK to ask for help! It’s OK to reach out for support! It’s OK to admit you can’t carry the weight of life alone, you weren’t suppose to! Whether it’s your friends, family, spouse or colleges, learn to lean in for help rather than rejecting it. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of maturity. Only a fool thinks they know everything, all the time!

C O M P A S S I O N

Be nice. Be nice to yourself and be nice to others. Not everyday is going to look and feel the great. Sometimes you’re going to do awesome, and other days you’ll feel like you’re barely getting by. The important part is that you keep going. Keep trying and keep pushing. Never let your fears outweigh your hope. You can do this! You will make it! Celebrate your successes but be compassionate in your failures. It’s never ok to be your own worst enemy. Be kind to yourself and when you feel the frustrations within your rising, be kind to those around you. Just because things are out of control doesn’t mean your attitude has to be. There’s nothing more courageous than a kind heart in the middle of a messy situation.

Find a Way

“If it's important to you, you will find a way.

If it's not, you'll find an excuse.”

 

I love this quote. I've seen it a handful of time over the last several years and each time it strikes a challenging cord in me. "If it's important to you, you will find a way. If it's not, you'll find an excuse."

 

When I think about this today, in the context of the New Year and New Year's resolutions, it reminds me of something; I'll always make time for the things that matter to me the most.

 

I'll always make time to be a mother.

 

Hands down, there is not a single day that goes by that I don't "make time" to be a mother.

I mean, I know in the earlier stages of parenting, there were days when "making time" to be a mother meant missing out on the basic, daily essentials that I once knew. Suddenly showering wasn't as important as it once was. (Yes, showering!) Suddenly, three meals a day were over rated and clean clothes weren't essential.

 

When something is important to you, priorities change and you do what you need to do in order to accomplish the things that matter to you most.

 

I challenge you today to do this; take a piece of paper and fold it in half.

Keep it folded and write down a list of things that are most important to you. Start with the things that mean most to you on a daily basis and then work your way out to future goals etc.

 

What really matters to you?

 

Then flip it over. On the second column take an inventory of the rest of your week (if that’s too long term of a commitment for you, try doing it for a day!) Write down how you spend your time. What do your days consist of? What do you spend the most time doing?

 

At the end of the week, open up the page and take a good look at the first column compared to the second.

 

Do you fill your days doing the things that you say matter most? Are you engaging in activities daily that will help you reach your 6 month goal? 1 year goal? 5 year goal?

Or do you find that your days are cluttered with busy work? Busy rushing? Complaining? Nagging? Making excuses? Busy on Facebook or Instagram? Simply busy, being busy.

 

I know that there are some days that come and go where I'm like WHAT did I do today?! I was BUSY all day but I did NOTHING. Days turn into weeks, weeks into months, months into years.

 

Before you know it, you'll be creating another list of New Year's resolutions for 2017.

 

If you're like me, at times life seems to be playing out in "fast forward" mode but I want this year to be a bit different. I want to be intentional about how and where I invest my time. Where I invest my money. Where I invest my energy. Where I invest my resources.

 

Notice, I say invest and not spend. There's a huge different. When you spend your time, money or energy on something, it's usually just gone... BUT when you invest it wisely, you see it grow, mature, develop, increase.. You see a return on your investment.

 

What will you invest into your days this year?

Where will you put your time?

Where will you put your money?

Where will you put your energy?

Where will you put your resources?

For me personally, I want 2016 to take me a bit deeper. I want to be more meaningful and intentional with all the resources available to me. I want to develop more meaningful and intimate relationships, first with God and secondly with those around me. I want to be more effective and efficient in ministry, I want to write more, a lot more! I want to really bang out this last year of school and graduate next year! I want to get into better shape. I want to rest. Some days and weeks go by where I don’t even stop for like a minute! Lastly, I want to pursue integrity in every area of my life. Can people depend on me? Do I do the things I commit to? Am I on time? Am I putting my best foot forward in all my commitments? I don’t think I need to work harder, just a bit smarter. I want to really enjoy this season in all aspects of life.

For me, this meant getting a 2016 planner. I get one every year, but this year I’ve been diligent in using it. What commitments do we have? What activities do we participate in? When do I have class? When will I write? When will my husband practice? When will we rest? Date night? Family-day? Working out? Reading? Studying? Fellowship?

If I want to be successful, I need to be intentional. With everything I do. I’m not saying live your life obsessed with the calendar, but if you just wait for things to happen, they won’t.

What matters most to you this year? What are you believing to achieve?   

Remember “If it’s important to you, you will find a way. If it’s not, you’ll find an excuse.”