I've always been particularly interested in Exodus, chapter 3. In this story, the Lord appears to Moses in a burning bush. The scripture says “There the angel of the Lord appeared to him in flames of fire from within a bush. Moses saw that though the bush was on fire it did not burn up.”
It’s interesting that although the bush was “on fire for God”, it wasn’t consumed. It didn’t burn out, it didn’t die, it just stayed fully on fire yet fully alive.
This is an interesting concept for me when I think of it as it applies to my personal life in ministry. It’s my desire that I will always be on fire for God, but never consumed to the point of destruction.
Although I’ve pondered this thought for months, over the past couple of weeks it all came together for me in a very real, tangible way.
Let me start by saying that I love my life, I love my husband, I love my daughter, I love working in ministry and most importantly, I love God. Nonetheless, over the past few weeks I’ve allowed some negativity to enter into my heart and cause much confusion. I've begun to question and wonder:
“Can we really manage all this?”
“Are we doing the right thing?”
“Is this too much of a sacrifice for our family?”
"Where they right?"
"Is this sacrifice fair to Savannah?"
There are times when I feel like “Am I doing the right thing?” or “How much is TOO much?” I love what I'm doing and I know that Reuben and I are willing to sacrifice for what we believe in but now having Savannah, I wonder, is it fair that she really had no choice in the matter? Over the past couple of weeks this has been so heavy on my heart. I’ve been praying, seeking the Lord and just wondering what do I do next?
Thoughts like this have polluted my mind, fogged my vision and have made it very difficult to see and think straight. I’ve seriously contemplated what the “next step” should be and where we should go as a family from here.
In the midst of all of this, I continued on with life as usual, little did I know that was all about to change. This past Wednesday night at our weekly City Link gathering, I spoke to our group about Life Savers. In order to create a picture of a real example, I set up a scenario for them to think about. This is what I said:
You’re driving down the street and you come across a house on fire. No one is around, just you. On the side walk you see a kid, cold, scared and crying. He ran out of the house when it caught fire and now he's sitting there alone and terrified. Then you look at the house and you see that there is another kid in the window. Terrified, paralyzed in fear and unable to move.. What do you do?
Everyone had a different answer. Some said put the kid in the car, others said call 911 and finally one person said, "Well since the kid outside is just cold, I would try to save the kid who's life was in danger." This hit the nail on the head. My entire point was, we aren’t called to comfort the uncomfortable, but to seek and save the lost. Saving the lost will require us to take risks, be brave, put our own life and comfort on the line and enter into messy situations as well as places of vulnerability. This makes sense, right?
Now moving on to Thursday morning, I get a text message from a close friend and group member saying something along the lines of “I really feel like God is saying everything you said last night is for you. The raging fire is messy, scary, terrifying, overwhelming but there is something inside that makes it worth it. Don’t give up. You can't quit now." I just said thanks and kind of kept it moving. I didn't think too much of it and almost dismissed it as just another sweet "word of encouragement" that made no difference in my life or situation.
Now, fast forward to Sunday morning. After an awesome service, a young woman whom I rarely speak to, came up to me and told me that my family & I have been an encouragement to her over the last year and she wanted me to know. She spoke wonderful words of how we've impacted her life and she's thankful for that. Then, she continues on to tell me she had a dream about me and wanted to share. What she said next blew my mind.
"I suffer from anxiety sometimes and in this dream I was stuck in my house while it was on fire, too terrified to move I stood there helplessly. Suddenly, you walk in with your husband and daughter. Together, you walked through the fire, guiding me out with a still, calm voice. "Come this way" you said, "it's going to be ok".
As this young woman spoke, it hit me like a ton of brinks. It was the confirmation I’ve been waiting for. It would be one thing if she said that I went into the fire, its another thing to know that we were together. Reuben, Savannah and I, as a family.
I know that God sent her to me that day. Someone I rarely talk to, to give me the confirmation I desperately needed to hear. Not knowing anything about me or my situation she spoke words of affirmation into my life and future. Her words meant more to me than she'll probably ever know and I'm forever thankful for her obedience.
That afternoon I was once again reminded of Exodus chapter 3. When you're on fire for God, you will never be consumed to the point of destruction. I realized in that moment that we are on the right path, we are doing what God desires us to do, our sacrifice will not be in vain and my daughter will never lack. Yes, sometimes Mommy and Daddy can't be there the way we wish we could be, but I know that in our absense, God will fill that void and then some. Savannah will never lack. Not now, not ever.
I realized that my frustration came from letting God slip out of the center of everything and letting myself sneak in. My Christ confidence somehow became self- confidence and with that I was destined for failure. When He is the source of my fire, it is all consuming but I am not consumed.
I'm thankful that God would take the time, to arrange a series of events that I could not discount as coincidence and that would resonate in my soul for years to come.
I’ve known for a long time that our life would be very different, and although people may not completely understand that, I feel in my heart that the confirmation I’ve received from God, and the words He has spoken over our lives, outweighs any other word that anyone could ever speak to us or about us.
I know in whom I trust and believe and my confidence will be steadfast.
We will remain on fire, but not consumed ❤️❤️❤️
