Several months ago I found myself in quite the sticky situation. With my back against the wall it was one of those moments in life where I had to choose- fight or flight.
A bit overwhelmed and slightly terrified, I choose fight.
I'm not a confrontational person by nature, I don't look for trouble nor do I invite trouble to my door step but when faced with necessary and constructive confrontation, I will not back down. I know that there are times in life when it's best to look the other way and let things go but in this situation, I knew, I just had to do it. I had to step up, I had to step out, I had to stand up for myself and more importantly, for what was right.
The choices I've made with regards to this situation have led me down a one way path, with an end that at times, seems far from my view. As a result, the last several months I've felt up against the wall in so many areas of life.
I've found myself in situations that I did not choose, I do not understand and quite honestly, I do not want to deal with. Yet, here I am. I keep asking myself, "Why is this happening? Why do things have to be this way?". It's all been very unsettling to me and truthfully, I've been scared of the prospective outcomes.
Sitting at my desk, I felt overcome with questions, surrounded by frustrations and fear was just flooding in. Suddenly, I couldn't take it anymore. I got up from my desk, took a walk to the restroom and put my head down. Full of questions but unable to even form a sentence to articulate what I felt, I just stood there.
In that moment what seemed like a "Bible's Best Ever" clip ran through my mind and I saw David standing face to face with Goliath the giant. I saw Esther, terrified but boldly speaking out to the king. I saw Moses stuttering as he spoke to the Pharaoh. Mary, completely confused and concerned as the angel of the Lord appeared to her and told her of her impregnation by the Holy Spirit.
And then suddenly, a still, small voice spoke to my soul...
"faith is found in the face of fear"
I was reminded that sometimes, faith is only as strong as the fear it faces. Each time you face adversity in your life you're given an opportunity to shrink back in fear or stretch out in faith.
Change can be difficult and it can also be scary, but one thing is for sure- if you face it, your faith will grow and your fears will shrink.
At this time in my life, nearly 5 months after the start of this entire saga, I feel myself completely stretched, not just physically but emotionally and mentally. I feel my faith stretching and my fears shrinking as I press into the future, blindly, but boldly.
