True love that is liberating not limiting...

This year, 2013, marks one decade of love and learning (or should I say, learning to love) with my husband & best friend, Reuben. We starting dating when I was a young and dumb 16 year old, we were married 5 years later when I was 21 and this October we celebrate 5 wonderful years of marriage.

When I look back on our relationship I can't help but be amazed by the evolution. For anyone who knows us, you know our relationship has been far from perfect & outright unhealthy at times. I thank God though that over the last few years our love for eachother has grown, matured and continues to flourish day by day.

When I think about where we've been and where we are now, I know that it has been God all along, working behind the scenes, teaching us how to love Him, ourselves and eachother.

I can't say that I have a perfect marriage, I don't. No one does but I do know that everyday I wake up next to him, I'm thankful and overwhelmed with joy about how far we've come, and what still lies ahead.

But like I said, it wasn't always like this... I know that the turning point for us has been committing our lives to God. Learning how God loves us, and learning how to love God has helped us to love eachother. As cliche as it sounds, the closer we've gotten to God, the closer we've gotten to eachother.

I think it's safe to say we've learned a lot, but above everything, the one thing I hold close to my heart and try to apply to my marriage daily is this:

God's love is liberating not limiting.

When I look at the most pure and true example of love, I see a love that is not only selfless, it's liberating. It always encourages, lifts and promotes growth.

I think many times frustration and strife will enter into a marriage through the limitations that are unjustly set for either partner. We look at marriage as a list of "you cant's" rather than an ocean of opportunities that say "WE CAN".

From the example God has given me, I see that true love is liberating not limiting. Now please don't get me confused, I believe in boundaries and compromise, both are healthy and necessary attributes for a marriage but I don't believe that marriage was intended to lock your spouse down and demand that they conform to what YOU desire them to be, rather than allowing them to become who GOD intends them to be.

Not long before I gave birth to my daughter I was asked, if you have Savannah Saturday, where will Reuben be Sunday morning, my response: "Church". To some people the thought of my husband going to church shortly after I give birth sounds crazy, possibly even inconsiderate but for us, it works. I know where my husbands heart is, I'm confident in his judgement and I know he would never leave us if we wouldn't be ok without him. I also know what is important to him and I do my best to make what matters to him, matter to me. Again, to each their own, but it works for us.

I love my husband and it makes me happy to see him happy. It makes me proud to see him work hard at something he loves and see his hard work turn into success. There is nothing I want more than to see him develop into the man that God desires him to be and when there is a way for me to encourage, support or motivate him, I will do it because I'm committed to his success.

Marriage is far from easy and any married person will tell you that everyday can be a challenge. Each day will bring new opportunity to become bitter or better. Marriage will never be picture perfect like a Disney fairy tale but I believe with all my heart following the lead of the one who IS love will lead you to true love with your partner. A love that is liberating, not limiting.

You too are loved..

It's amazing how quickly time passes us by. To think just one short week ago I was sitting in the hospital with my little one, staring intently at her, in awe and wonder of her beauty.

Reuben had left for church, the room was quiet and I just sat on my hospital bed staring at Savannah, admiring every last detail of her.

"Savannah, I love you so much!" I said with tears welded up in my eyes.

"You are amazing. You are gorgeous in every way! Savannah you came OUT OF ME! You are a special piece of me. I hope you get everything that is good from me, and bypass all the bad. Savannah, there is nothing I wouldn't do for you! To keep you safe. To keep you happy and healthy. I promise you baby, no harm will come your way as long as I can help it! You are a treasure, straight from heaven & I will always hold you close and dear to my heart. There is nothing you could ever do that would make me love you any more or any less. My love for you is limitless and unconditional. You have my heart baby girl and that will never, ever change."

Tears running down my face it suddenly made sense.

God loves me.

He really, really loves ME. It felt as if during that time I spoke over my daughter, God began to speak the same words of affirmation over me. In that moment, as close as she felt to me, I felt to God. I knew that He held me close, and sustained me in every way necessary.

Years of church, loving God and knowing He loved me suddenly made more sense than it ever had before.

GOD LOVES ME!!!  Not because of what I have or haven't done, not because I love Him or because He has to, He loves me just because I am His. I am a piece of HIM! 

As I looked at my daughter, I felt such an overwhelming feeling, I literally felt swaddled in love. The new found love for my daughter as well as this revelation of God's love for me rushed through me, over taking and filling every last empty part of me.

It's hard to understand this love.. Even as I look at her, I think of my husband and how many years it took for us to truly, love each other the "right way", I think of all the people I've encountered whom I wanted to love, or should love, but just couldn't. Love hasn't always come easy for me. It was something I knew but at times, the reality escaped me. And now, suddenly, in a split second, it made more sense then it ever had before!!

It's amazing how one moment, one touch, one look, one encounter could change all of that. In one single instant, it all made sense.

 

I feel like with this revelation, another piece of heaven has opened up over my life. I am now not only aware, but  convinced that God's love for me is like no other love I will ever know. It is real, tangible, unearnable and irrevocable.

I am His. And He is mine.

It is my hope and prayer that in someway, God's love for you will be exposed in a real, tangible way as well. Maybe you have children, and you can relate to this, maybe you don't. Either way, I know that God is big enough to meet you in this moment, in the exact way you need Him to and speak to your heart in a way that will make sense to you, just to show you that you too are loved. You too are cherished. You too hold a piece of God's heart within you that He will always love and hold dear.

You too are loved.

Straight Ahead

As I was sitting in my hospital room today, a storm began to roll in. I was looking out the window and suddenly the clear blue sky was being taken over by the storm coming in from the right.

I took like 20 pictures, trying to capture the beauty of this moment & as I snapped away all I could hear in my heart was "Do not look to the left or to the right, but fix your eyes on Jesus the author and finisher of your faith."

My heart literally smiled. This illustration reminded of how crazy and unpredictable life can be. One moment it's sunshine & butterflies, and the next, it's storm clouds & thunder...

It reminded me of the power of perspective and the importance of looking at situations from a distance, across it's entirety, rather then close up with limitations.

If I looked out of my window to the left I would have see nothing but clear skies and sunshine, if I looked out to the right, I would have only seen storm clouds and darkness falling over the city. Although both perspectives were technically true depending on where you stood, neither would give me a completely accurate evaluation of what was happening.

It reminded me of life. How many times do we look to the left or to the right & whether what we see is good or bad, we still only see a portion of the perspective.

Looking straight out my window I thought to myself, there will be good days, and there will be bad days, but the most important thing is that I look forward, straight ahead, always knowing the Son in right in the middle of the two. Jesus brings me balance. Jesus brings me joy in the good days and positive perspective for the bad days.

As easy as it might be to look to either side, my heart it set heavenward, looking straight ahead to the one who is the author AND finisher of my faith, Jesus.

Let your eyes look right on [with fixed purpose], and let your gaze be straight before you. Consider well the path of your feet, and let all your ways be established and ordered aright. Turn not aside to the right hand or to the left; remove your foot from evil.
Proverbs 4:25-27

Surely...

Most days I wake up and literally can't believe this is my life.. I feel so thankful and blessed for everything around me. Grateful for how God has transformed my life and grateful that He has made the little I had into something more beautiful than I could have ever hoped for or imaged.

 

I look at my growing belly, past the itchy stretch marks, heaviness and discomfort I see the most precious gift I could ever be given. The gift of life. I wonder how God could have found me fit or suitable enough to place this miracle within me. I wonder how I could be so lucky to have such an amazing husband. He is so talented, supportive, caring and considerate. He's given me a sense of stability and structure that my heart has always longed for, knowing that he is always in my corner, rooting me on has given me such confidence to pursue my dreams, words can not even describe how thankful I am for him. I wake up every day in such a beautiful home, a wonderful job, fabulous friends and family. Most times, I don't understand how I can be SO blessed.

 

I know that it's not because of anything I've done. I know that I could never do enough to make myself worthy of all that God has blessed me with. I realize that it's by His grace alone I'm able to have more than I deserve.

 

When I stop and think about grace, a very simple picture comes to mind.. (if you know me, you know I need an illustration for everything!) I envision myself, standing, looking towards the heavens at all of God's goodness and glory, His love and mercy, and it just seems so far from me, close enough to see it and yearn for it but too far to touch it! And then I see grace. I believe grace is the substance that bridges the gap from where I am to where God is. Grace fills in everything that I can't. It makes a way to a destination that would otherwise be impossible to reach. It makes the impossible, possible.

 

With all that I have, I still wake up every morning knowing that there is so much more to come. I turn over and see the most amazing man I know laying by my side (in case you didn't know, I think my husband is absolutely wonderful and I'll never stop saying it), my daughter flipping in my belly and I think "wow, could it get any better?".. 

 

Something inside of me always whispers, "Yes. It can and it will".

 

Now, I don't say this to brag, or because I'm arrogant or conceited. I don't even say it because my life is perfect or because I have no lack or struggle, that's not the truth either. I say this because I can look across the balance of my life, the good and the bad, and still know that each portion is a blessing, not a burden. I'm a woman who chooses to talk about my joys and not my struggles, my hope and not my fears, my future and not my failures. If that is offensive, that's unfortunate.

 

As my pregnancy comes to an end I'm filled with excitement and anticipation about the newest addition to our family. Filled with awe and wonder, I think what will it be like? Will I be a good mother? Will my husband and I provide for our daughter? Will we lead and direct her in the ways that she should go? Will I be a good example of a Christian women? Will my relationship with God be something she is attracted to or will she try to deflect God because of my example? Will my marriage remain stable and strong? Will my house stay in order? Will I still be able to write? Can I possibly be as active in ministry as I believe I'm called to be WHILE raising a child? Will I be the mother my daughter deserves?

 

As all these questions run through my mind, I can honestly say, I don't have much of an answer for any of them. I really don't know what things will be like, I don't know what's going to happen, I don't know where this road will take me. I can see where I am, I can see where I'm going, but the road to get there is still a blur.. In the midst of all the confusion, there is one thing that rings in my heart, loud and clear, the one thing that keeps me confident, the still, small voice that whispers:  

 

"Surely there is enough grace." 

 

I realize that before I was a wife, a leader, a teacher, a writer, a mother, a friend, a sister, an aunt, an employee before I was any of these things, I was simply: Daughter

 

Realizing that being a Daughter to the Father is what I was first called to do, and being His Daughter will be my only eternal title, brings me peace that no matter what other "titles" I hold in between, Daughter came first and Daughter will be last. I may not know exactly what this journey will look like but I know that grace will bridge the gap of where I am, and where I need to go.

 

Maybe this life is impossible, maybe I do have unrealistic expectations OR maybe, just MAYBE I have come to the realization that with man it may be impossible, but with God ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.

 

As I enter into this new chapter of life I'm convinced I will find success and balance, peace and joy. My prayer each day is "Not by my strength, but by YOUR grace." and surely, there is enough grace..........