This year, 2013, marks one decade of love and learning (or should I say, learning to love) with my husband & best friend, Reuben. We starting dating when I was a young and dumb 16 year old, we were married 5 years later when I was 21 and this October we celebrate 5 wonderful years of marriage.
When I look back on our relationship I can't help but be amazed by the evolution. For anyone who knows us, you know our relationship has been far from perfect & outright unhealthy at times. I thank God though that over the last few years our love for eachother has grown, matured and continues to flourish day by day.
When I think about where we've been and where we are now, I know that it has been God all along, working behind the scenes, teaching us how to love Him, ourselves and eachother.
I can't say that I have a perfect marriage, I don't. No one does but I do know that everyday I wake up next to him, I'm thankful and overwhelmed with joy about how far we've come, and what still lies ahead.
But like I said, it wasn't always like this... I know that the turning point for us has been committing our lives to God. Learning how God loves us, and learning how to love God has helped us to love eachother. As cliche as it sounds, the closer we've gotten to God, the closer we've gotten to eachother.
I think it's safe to say we've learned a lot, but above everything, the one thing I hold close to my heart and try to apply to my marriage daily is this:
God's love is liberating not limiting.
When I look at the most pure and true example of love, I see a love that is not only selfless, it's liberating. It always encourages, lifts and promotes growth.
I think many times frustration and strife will enter into a marriage through the limitations that are unjustly set for either partner. We look at marriage as a list of "you cant's" rather than an ocean of opportunities that say "WE CAN".
From the example God has given me, I see that true love is liberating not limiting. Now please don't get me confused, I believe in boundaries and compromise, both are healthy and necessary attributes for a marriage but I don't believe that marriage was intended to lock your spouse down and demand that they conform to what YOU desire them to be, rather than allowing them to become who GOD intends them to be.
Not long before I gave birth to my daughter I was asked, if you have Savannah Saturday, where will Reuben be Sunday morning, my response: "Church". To some people the thought of my husband going to church shortly after I give birth sounds crazy, possibly even inconsiderate but for us, it works. I know where my husbands heart is, I'm confident in his judgement and I know he would never leave us if we wouldn't be ok without him. I also know what is important to him and I do my best to make what matters to him, matter to me. Again, to each their own, but it works for us.
I love my husband and it makes me happy to see him happy. It makes me proud to see him work hard at something he loves and see his hard work turn into success. There is nothing I want more than to see him develop into the man that God desires him to be and when there is a way for me to encourage, support or motivate him, I will do it because I'm committed to his success.
Marriage is far from easy and any married person will tell you that everyday can be a challenge. Each day will bring new opportunity to become bitter or better. Marriage will never be picture perfect like a Disney fairy tale but I believe with all my heart following the lead of the one who IS love will lead you to true love with your partner. A love that is liberating, not limiting.
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