Missed Opportunities

Have you ever felt like you completely missed an awesome opportunity? As if someone literally handed you success on a silver platter and all you could manage to do is knock it over and watch the pieces disperse all over the floor as you thought "That was stupid"? Well, I had that moment this week. Big time. 

You see yesterday marked my three year anniversary at my job and as a result I had my annual performance review. I've been really excited about this and really looking forward to all the potential places my current position could possibly manifest into. My boss and I have been in communication about this day, planning and preparing yet as the day approached, I felt underprepared (to say the least). 

I’ll spare you all the details and just get straight to the point. Over the course of our 90 minute meeting, there was about 30 seconds that changed my perspective on life instantaneously.  The moment that made me say WOW, the moment everything seemed to make sense to me.  As we discussed my performance, my growth, my position and my potential, he said these words to me:

"Your only limitation is your imagination"

Now, I'm not saying that my boss is God or even hears from God for that matter, BUT I will tell you that on NUMEROUS occasions I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt, God is speaking directly to me through my boss. This was without a doubt one of those moments. 

WOW. My only limitation is my own imagination. As we continued talking my mind began to wander to all the places where this has not only been true but has been a real struggle for me without even realizing it. It’s amazing how one sentence has the potential to unlock so much raw thought and emotion.

I realized that I missed this opportunity because in my own mind, I already decided what I was and wasn't capable of. I had played out the scenario in my mind of what could and what would happen, completely closing the door to the possibility that things might not be the way I see them. This left me to think of all the times I let my own imagination get the best of me and inevitably missed awesome opportunities because of my own crazy thought process. How many times have I said things such as:

“What if I’m wrong?”

“What if I can’t?”

“What if I mess up?”

“I don’t think I’m qualified”

“I’m not smart enough”

“I don’t have the proper education”

“How do I know this is right?”

“If I mess this up, everyone is going to laugh and say I told you so”

“I think I’m in way over my head”

My mind has thought of countless, ridiculous, unrealistic scenarios for failure. SO many, that you would think I’m crazy, and to be honest, maybe you’re right.. These days, I’m not too sure! Hopefully I’m not the ONLY one.

How many times have you been given an opportunity for something, anything, big or small and you’ve completely blown it because of your own imagination? You allow your thoughts to wander into the wilderness where the untamed feelings of failure, defeat and worthlessness grow wild and choke out every bit of good there could have otherwise been.

As I’ve continued to meditate on those words I’ve found more and more truth in them.  (Just to make this clear, I’m not meditating on the thoughts or opinions of a random person. I know that this was God specifically speaking to me and my situation.)

It’s funny, I love writing and I want to be a write.  I not only blog but author books and yet I rarely talk about that with anyone. I rarely share this dream with anyone and I rarely open up about this vision for my life. I really don’t know why. I’ve been in situations where people say “What do you want to do with your life?” or “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” or “What do you believe you’ve been called to do?” and I honestly, cannot muster up the courage to SAY what it is that I believe I’m put on this earth for. I don’t know why. Something inside of me is completely intimidated by the prospect and terrified of what people would think. “Who does she think she is?” “What makes her so sure she’s even a good writer, let alone author material”. Wild, wild thoughts go through my mind. Even as I’m writing, I’m concerned that I’ve said too much. To be honest, I’m almost certain this is my first time even openly writing about this topic.

I really want to know what God is trying to say, what is He trying to pull out of me? I was in the shower this evening and again, still thinking about this, meditating on it and asking God just what does this mean, and I felt like the Lord told me:

What you conceive in your mind, believe in your heart and confess with your mouth,

YOU CAN ACHIEVE.

I know that there is nothing special about me apart from God. I know that my strength, my abilities, my success and my vision all comes from Him. I’m realizing more and more that as I deny those things within me, I deny His greatness within me. It’s not about me and what I can or can’t do, it’s about the One who created me and what He can enable and equip me to do. I know that there is nothing I can do apart from Him but I also know that with Him, all things are possible.

My imagination may have gotten the best of me for some time now, but not anymore.

My mind is set.

My heart is committed.

My mouth has declared it.

I can (and I will) do all things through (not separate or apart from) Christ who strengthens me according to His will (not mine). In Jesus name, yes & AMEN.