Take it or leave it

I am no work out guru and in fact, I’m probably not even active enough to be considered someone who “works out”. However, over the past few weeks I’ve developed this deep desire to be strong and this desire has motivated me to get moving! I don’t necessarily know what I’m doing, but I know something is better than nothing right now. This mindset may seem silly to you, but for me this is huge! You see, I’m a weakling. My body frame is small, I have no muscle mass and it’s likely I could not do a pushup in correct form if my life depended on it.  I’ve never been one to work out and I’ve never been “in shape”, I’ve basically gotten through life being slim thanks to good genes.

Having my daughter however has left me with a new found appreciation for my body. Going through the process has increased my awareness of just how much I can handle as well as how much more I am capable of doing. With this new revelation, I’m determined to not only lose my baby weight, but get strong. Really strong. I know this is no small feat for someone like me, starting from nothing, but I’m willing to put in the work to get it done!

One of my most recent adventures involves Title Boxing Gym in Milford. This place is amazing. If you want to get strong, this is the place to go! I’ve attended two weeks in a row with a good friend of mine, first for a kickboxing class and then today for a boxing class.

Today during our boxing class, Ben (our trainer) was bouncing around the gym yelling out commands.
“Drop! Give me 20 push ups! Lets go! Let’s go! Let’s go! You came here to work?! You’re gonna work!! Let’s go! Right gab, left gab, right body, left hook!!” (His voice still haunts my thoughts!) Now as I said, I’m a small girl, but don’t get me confused with fit!! I’m what I like to call, skinny fat. Nothing about me is toned, lean or cut! I’m just skin, bones and fat so needless to say, this workout was KILLING ME. Ben would bounce around the gym coaching us on and making sure we did what he said. As the work out intensified and my body began to give, I found myself trying to copout. When he was looking at me, I would punch as hard as I could, my squats would be in perfect form and my knees would always come up to my chest for high steps. However, when he turned around, that was a different story. Once his back was to me, it was like the green light to rest, relax and take a breath or drink of water. I knew if he wasn’t looking, I wasn’t going to get reprimanded.

Smart right?! Umm.. Not so much…  There was one point in today’s class when Ben was across the room,  back towards me and I just stopped, dead dog tired and I just stared straight at the back of his head thinking, “Is he Satan? Has he come to destroy me? Right here and right now?! Am I going to die?” and then he said these words that I will never forget. “WORK! If you came here to work, WORK! You have a goal to reach? You’re only gonna get it by working hard! WORK! Don’t cheat yourself!! WORK!!”

At that moment, it hit me. Like a pound of bricks! I went there with a goal, I could slack off when he wasn’t looking, but who would that inevitably effect? Not him…  I would only be cheating myself.

That statement made we really stop and think. How often do we do the right thing when someone is looking, yet once they turn around, we’re back to the same old…? It was like God whispered to me, “It’s not what you do in public that will make a difference, it’s what you practice in private that will set you apart.”

Only a small fraction of our life is lived in the public eye. Whether it is the oversight of a trainer, teacher, leader or boss, we spend more time in our life without anyone over our shoulder holding us accountable, then we do with accountability. That being said, it can become easy to live a double life, one way when people are watching and another when they aren’t.

What we do in private is our character and what we do in public is our performance.

No one will ever know you ate that cheeseburger on your lunch break while you were fasting, no one will ever know that you walked the second lap when you should have been running, no one will ever know you skimmed through the last 4 chapters of you book instead of reading it through, no one will ever know you didn’t do the pushups when the trainer turned around.. It’s true, no one may ever know, but YOU’LL know the truth, and your character will prove it.

What kind of person do you want to be? One that puts on a good performance for the crowd or a person of genuine character, who is able to stand before any person, even oneself, and say: this is me!

I don’t want to put on a good performance for anyone, doing what people want to see when they are around but acting completely different when they are not. I want to be a woman with genuine character, authentic and unwavering. I don’t want to do what looks good when people are watching, but then cheat myself when no one is looking. I want to be consistent and confident; I want that when I look in the mirror I can unapologetically say, this is me. Take it or leave it…