Faith is Found in the Face of Fear

Several months ago I found myself in quite the sticky situation. With my back against the wall it was one of those moments in life where I had to choose- fight or flight.

 

A bit overwhelmed and slightly terrified, I choose fight.

 

I'm not a confrontational person by nature, I don't look for trouble nor do I invite trouble to my door step but when faced with necessary and constructive confrontation, I will not back down. I know that there are times in life when it's best to look the other way and let things go but in this situation, I knew, I just had to do it. I had to step up, I had to step out, I had to stand up for myself and more importantly, for what was right.

 

The choices I've made with regards to this situation have led me down a one way path, with an end that at times, seems far from my view. As a result, the last several months I've felt up against the wall in so many areas of life. 

I've found myself in situations that I did not choose, I do not understand and quite honestly, I do not want to deal with. Yet, here I am. I keep asking myself, "Why is this happening? Why do things have to be this way?". It's all been very unsettling to me and truthfully, I've been scared of the prospective outcomes.

 

Sitting at my desk, I felt overcome with questions, surrounded by frustrations and fear was just flooding in. Suddenly, I couldn't take it anymore. I got up from my desk, took a walk to the restroom and put my head down. Full of questions but unable to even form a sentence to articulate what I felt, I just stood there.

 

In that moment what seemed like a "Bible's Best Ever" clip ran through my mind and I saw David standing face to face with Goliath the giant. I saw Esther, terrified but boldly speaking out to the king.  I saw Moses stuttering as he spoke to the Pharaoh. Mary, completely confused and concerned as the angel of the Lord appeared to her and told her of her impregnation by the Holy Spirit.

 

And then suddenly, a still, small voice spoke to my soul...

"faith is found in the face of fear"

 

I was reminded that sometimes, faith is only as strong as the fear it faces. Each time you face adversity in your life you're given an opportunity to shrink back in fear or stretch out in faith.

 

Change can be difficult and it can also be scary, but one thing is for sure- if you face it, your faith will grow and your fears will shrink.

At this time in my life, nearly 5 months after the start of this entire saga, I feel myself completely stretched, not just physically but emotionally and mentally. I feel my faith stretching and my fears shrinking as I press into the future, blindly, but boldly.

With Change, Comes Growth.

Since Savannah was born night time has been our time. As a nursing Mom, I would get up for all her feedings throughout the night and that was our quiet time together. 

As my pregnancy with Rylee comes to an end, Savannah has been waking up several times throughout the night crying for me, wanting me to hold her and wanting to be really (REALLY) close to me. 

Tonight has been especially rough. She's not only cried to be close, but the moment I get up to use the bathroom or get a drink of water (which could easily be a half dozen times in a night) she's up, alert and crying for her Momma. 

A Daddy's girl who's usually comforted by his embrace just isn't having it tonight. I lay her close to me, kissing her head and telling her "It's ok baby, Mommy's here." 

I turn to my husband "Do you think she knows Rylee's coming?" 

"Oh yeah" he responds without hesitation. 

I know that she knows her quiet nighttime moments with Mommy will soon be shared. The chest she would once cuddle up to, will now belong to two, the bed she loves to snuggle in will now be shared by one more princess and the Momma she once a claimed as hers and hers alone, will now answer to another. 

"Savvy, it's ok. Mommy's here. I'm not going anywhere, baby. I know, you know Rylee's coming. Our family is about to grow a little more with love and with growth, comes change. Never be afraid of change baby, some of life's best gifts come immediately after change." 

Well. There you have it. Short and simple. Through the words of comfort to my child, God speaks to me. The inner most part, the scared woman inside who longs to see what was once familiar. 

"Don't be afraid baby girl, I'm with you. And I'm not going anywhere. Change is good. With change comes growth." 

Life's teachable moments. They are always here. Even at 3:30am on an early Friday morning, with a sleepy two year old snuggled into your chest. God will always give you what you need if you're willing to open up and receive it. 

What do I know? Things will never look the same again for baby areas of my life, but it's ok. With change, comes growth. 

Sometimes I wish things could be different...

I woke up this morning next to the man of my dreams, I snuggled with my daughter who is just shy of perfect, I got myself ready, walked out of the garage, got into my husband’s car that he left in the driveway for me, I drove to Bagel King where I picked up to coffee and then headed to UB for my Saturday morning class. I walked upstairs, sat down, pulled out my iPad, book and notebook and just sat.

I thought to myself, “WOW. Life is good.” I mean some of these things were the basic day to day, some were materialistic but in the end, they are all blessings. Blessings that I’ve been too distracted to see. Blessings that I have become so use to, I forget sometimes how fortunate I really am.

Here’s the truth. Sometimes I wish things could be different. I have a great life, but my mind will always go to the one or two things wrong and I begin to fixate on what I can't fix. I think about things excessively. I wonder, ponder, soak & settle in on the image in my mind of what things are and how they could be. It drives me crazy at times. It keeps me up at night. I think SO MUCH that my head hurts and I wish for just one minute I could shut it off.

Why does it have to be like this? What did I do to deserve this? What’s the point in trying?

Sometimes thoughts of defeat and destruction plague my mind. But today, I realized something. I realized that I’ve been so busy fixating on the little bit that doesn’t quite look the way I expected, that I forgot about all that was right, good and true in my life.

I realized today that I can't win them all & that ok. I might never understand, and guess what, I'm ok with that. What I can do is resolve in my heart and in my mind to let it go & just move on. Things might never be how they "should be" but who's to say what that is anyways?

Life isn’t easy, it’s not clean, it’s not simple and you don’t always get what you deserve. That’s ok. I’m reminded of a poem by Mother Teresa, the last line is simple, it says “You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway.”

My heart, my happiness, my peace; that’s MY responsibility. I can focus on what I can’t fix, or I can make the choice to choose peace over problems, joy over junk and happiness over hate. I'm not ungrateful, but I have been distracted.

It's time to fix my focus.

Don't quit your daydream

It's been a while since I last blogged. Although I've had the best of intentions it seems like no matter how many goals I set, how much I say things will be different or how badly I want it, the burden of busy always seems to find it's way back to me and my hopes, plans and dreams slip through the cracks of my broken mind. 

In this season of life I'm a full time wife and mother (with another on the way), my husband and I are heavily involved and ministry, I work full time and go to school part time. Most days I'm so thankful for this opportunity but some days I just feel smothered and semi suffocated under the burden of busy. 

Go here, do this, do that, don't forget to do the dishes, wash the clothes, feed the baby, write the paper, take the test, doctor appointments, blood work, planning and preparing, go to bed and start all over again. Will it ever end? 

I doubt it. At least, I hope not. 

My busy life also means it's full. Full of opportunity, full of blessings, full of things and people to be thankful for. 

Although it probably doesn't sound like it, I'm not mad about the place my life is at. I'm thankful for the hustle and bustle. I'm not dying for a break, I like knowing there is more to life than just the day to day.  However in the middle of all the madness one thing rings real and true to my heart and soul.... 

Lori, don't quit your daydream!!! 

Through the business and the blessings, I don't want to forget about the things that make my heart wild. I don't want to forget about the journey I started and the destination I long to reach. I don't want to forget the things that I heard and saw so long ago, long before the busy. I don't want my dreams to be distracted to death. 

I have a deep desire in my heart to write. To write blogs and books, articles and journal entries. I want to write! About everything and anything. Ok, maybe not anything but anything that makes my heart tick. 

I know life gives a lesson to learn daily (if not hourly) and I love to share my own experiences, ideas, thoughts and practices with others. 

My hope is to help and encourage, lead and propel, share and learn!! I want to be the best example of strength and grace, humility and dignity, brains and beauty to my daughters that I possibly can. I want to be the kind of wife that my husband can be happy to come home to, I want to make an impact wherever I step foot. Whether it be in the business world, church, school or the grocery line. 

I know that God has called each of us to life and liberty, not just busy and broken. 

My daydream is that I would find a way, go the way and show the way. Through my life and through my writing. 

What's your daydream? What keeps you up at night? What hopes, dreams and aspirations keep your heart ticking? 

It's never too late to find out! It's never too late to get started. 

Regardless of what life looks like now, don't ever, EVER quit your daydream. 

It is Well

There is something about the outdoors that just opens my heart, clears my mind and expands my perspective. When I find myself overwhelmed, overworked or just plain worn out and weary, I always find my way to the shoreline. Whether I'm sitting in my car or walking along the road, something about the warm sun, soft breeze, the waves, the birds, it all calms my soul.

All these parts form together to create something so beautiful, a picture of all God is in my life and in my heart. The awe, the wonder, the grace, the order and the perfection. It all works together for our enjoyment, for our pleasure.

In the confine of my home, job or even church, life seems limited. In that moment all I know is what I can see.

But when I get out, when I get into the open air, the space He created, the water He spoke into existence, the waves that yield to His command, the birds He feeds, the flowers He clothed, the sun He spun into motion. It’s in that moment I am reminded that He is big, He is strong, He is limitlessness, He is God and He is mine.  

When I get out, out of my own comfortable space and familiar surroundings, it’s then that I see Him most, I feel Him closest and I hear Him clearest.

God, you are with me and because of that, it is well.

"How do you stay so positive?"

Somebody recently asked me, "How do you stay so positive?" It was such a sweet question because deep down, I felt like it was a compliment as well. Me? Positive? Thankful that my actions and attitude bring encouragement and discouragement, I said, three simple words. 

"It's a choice"

You see, I've realized something, if I choose I wait for something "good" to happen in order to be positive, I could be waiting a while. And even then, under the best of circumstances, they are fickle at best and who knows how long that moment will last. We've all had those days that start off well and by mid morning you're wondering how everything derail so quickly. 

Life happens, and things aren't always great, but I've decided in my own mind that I can't wait for a reason to be positive, I have to just do it. 

Choose to see the best in a situation. 

Choose to react with love and not lash out in anger. 

Choose to see my full life as a blessing and not a burden.

Choose to see your need as an opportunity to GROW rather than evidence of past or future failures. 

Most of all, choose to be grateful. I've heard it said "Gratitude is the best attitude" and quite honestly, I don't think it could be any more true. 

When you CHOOSE to be grateful you switch your attention from wanting to thanking, from frustrated to focused, from fickle to fixed. 

We live in a society where complaining is just "venting" and celebrating is bragging. 

That's fine for others, but for me I choose to stop complaining and start celebrating. 

Thank God I have a job to go to.

Thank God I have a daughter who gets into everything & turns my house upside down. 

Thank God I've been blessed with such an awesome husband, even if he leaves his shoes everywhere. 

Thank God I have clothing piled up into massive piles of laundry, so many others have nothing. 

Every moment presents a choice, what you decide is ultimately up to you. I guess there's no right or wrong but, I'll tell you this, since I switched my thinking from complaining to celebrating my life has been happier, fuller and more fulfilling then it ever was. 

Not because I have everything I want, or my life is absent of problems, but because I choose to live with my heart postured towards gratitude and rather than having a bad attitude. 

If you don't believe me, take a chance today. Make the CHOICE to see things differently. Make a CHOICE to remain positive in difficult  situations. 

I've heard it said that life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of what you make of it. 

What will you make of your life? 

The choice is yours. 

Boundaries

The thing about boundaries is that before they can be respected, the have to be established. 

Sometimes you have to stop, think and draw the line. If you don't, who will? 

Ladies, as the heart of your household, it's important that you set limitations, especially relationally and emotionally. Men, as the protector and provider of your household, you too should strive for boundaries. Whether it be physical, financial or spiritual, boundaries are healthy and necessary. 

Life without boundaries is chaotic. A selfish person will make you feel badly for the boundaries you have in place, a wise person will honor and admire them. 

I'll probably blog about this in more depth over the next coming weeks, until then, what are your thoughts on boundaries? Do you set them? Do you respect them?