I use to care

I use to care so much and when I say “use to” I mean up until about 2 days ago. I cared so much about what people thought, I cared about what people said, I cared about what people saw. I cared about how people perceived me. I cared if they liked me and I cared if they didn’t.

Do they understand? Do they get it? Can they see my heart? Do they know my intent? How can they judge me? How could they say that? Why would they do that? What did I ever do to them? They see so little. It’s just a portion, a fraction, a glimpse of something so much deeper, so much bigger, so much more. There is more to me. There is more to my life. More than what meets the eye. More than you know, more than you’ll ever understand.

It use to cut me to the core. Every word that was spoken; out of line, out of context. Words that pierced my heart like a dagger. Words meant for my destruction. It use to hurt so bad, I use to care so much.

And then, I stopped. I realized something; no one will ever know the whole story. No one is ever going to get it completely. They can’t. They don’t walk my walk, they don’t live my life. They see, but they don’t know.

I’ve realized over time that my life is meant to be lived before an audience of One. The one who created me.  The one who loved me first. The one who sees me. The one who hears me. The one who is calling my name. The one died for me, and the one whom I will live for.

I’ve realized I can’t control what people think or feel or say but I can control what HE hears and what HE sees. For that reason, I will live my life the best I can. Not for you, not even for me, but for Him.

It might not make sense to anyone else, but it makes sense to me. I know I am right where I belong, doing exactly what I should be doing. I will keep on doing what I do.  I’ve let go of the burden of validation. I don’t need your validation. My life was validated two thousand years ago, by my Savior, on a cross. Nothing you say will ever change that.