Missed Opportunities

Have you ever felt like you completely missed an awesome opportunity? As if someone literally handed you success on a silver platter and all you could manage to do is knock it over and watch the pieces disperse all over the floor as you thought "That was stupid"? Well, I had that moment this week. Big time. 

You see yesterday marked my three year anniversary at my job and as a result I had my annual performance review. I've been really excited about this and really looking forward to all the potential places my current position could possibly manifest into. My boss and I have been in communication about this day, planning and preparing yet as the day approached, I felt underprepared (to say the least). 

I’ll spare you all the details and just get straight to the point. Over the course of our 90 minute meeting, there was about 30 seconds that changed my perspective on life instantaneously.  The moment that made me say WOW, the moment everything seemed to make sense to me.  As we discussed my performance, my growth, my position and my potential, he said these words to me:

"Your only limitation is your imagination"

Now, I'm not saying that my boss is God or even hears from God for that matter, BUT I will tell you that on NUMEROUS occasions I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt, God is speaking directly to me through my boss. This was without a doubt one of those moments. 

WOW. My only limitation is my own imagination. As we continued talking my mind began to wander to all the places where this has not only been true but has been a real struggle for me without even realizing it. It’s amazing how one sentence has the potential to unlock so much raw thought and emotion.

I realized that I missed this opportunity because in my own mind, I already decided what I was and wasn't capable of. I had played out the scenario in my mind of what could and what would happen, completely closing the door to the possibility that things might not be the way I see them. This left me to think of all the times I let my own imagination get the best of me and inevitably missed awesome opportunities because of my own crazy thought process. How many times have I said things such as:

“What if I’m wrong?”

“What if I can’t?”

“What if I mess up?”

“I don’t think I’m qualified”

“I’m not smart enough”

“I don’t have the proper education”

“How do I know this is right?”

“If I mess this up, everyone is going to laugh and say I told you so”

“I think I’m in way over my head”

My mind has thought of countless, ridiculous, unrealistic scenarios for failure. SO many, that you would think I’m crazy, and to be honest, maybe you’re right.. These days, I’m not too sure! Hopefully I’m not the ONLY one.

How many times have you been given an opportunity for something, anything, big or small and you’ve completely blown it because of your own imagination? You allow your thoughts to wander into the wilderness where the untamed feelings of failure, defeat and worthlessness grow wild and choke out every bit of good there could have otherwise been.

As I’ve continued to meditate on those words I’ve found more and more truth in them.  (Just to make this clear, I’m not meditating on the thoughts or opinions of a random person. I know that this was God specifically speaking to me and my situation.)

It’s funny, I love writing and I want to be a write.  I not only blog but author books and yet I rarely talk about that with anyone. I rarely share this dream with anyone and I rarely open up about this vision for my life. I really don’t know why. I’ve been in situations where people say “What do you want to do with your life?” or “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” or “What do you believe you’ve been called to do?” and I honestly, cannot muster up the courage to SAY what it is that I believe I’m put on this earth for. I don’t know why. Something inside of me is completely intimidated by the prospect and terrified of what people would think. “Who does she think she is?” “What makes her so sure she’s even a good writer, let alone author material”. Wild, wild thoughts go through my mind. Even as I’m writing, I’m concerned that I’ve said too much. To be honest, I’m almost certain this is my first time even openly writing about this topic.

I really want to know what God is trying to say, what is He trying to pull out of me? I was in the shower this evening and again, still thinking about this, meditating on it and asking God just what does this mean, and I felt like the Lord told me:

What you conceive in your mind, believe in your heart and confess with your mouth,

YOU CAN ACHIEVE.

I know that there is nothing special about me apart from God. I know that my strength, my abilities, my success and my vision all comes from Him. I’m realizing more and more that as I deny those things within me, I deny His greatness within me. It’s not about me and what I can or can’t do, it’s about the One who created me and what He can enable and equip me to do. I know that there is nothing I can do apart from Him but I also know that with Him, all things are possible.

My imagination may have gotten the best of me for some time now, but not anymore.

My mind is set.

My heart is committed.

My mouth has declared it.

I can (and I will) do all things through (not separate or apart from) Christ who strengthens me according to His will (not mine). In Jesus name, yes & AMEN.

Be Brave.

Just as 2013 was coming to end, I posted this picture up on my Instagram account with the following caption: 

"If I had to sum up my expectations for 2014 into two words, these would be them. BE BRAVE💫 Believing this year will bestow many challenges and changes, supernatural growth and unheard of favor. I think this is the year I will step out of everything I've ever know, move forward into all I've ever dreamt of and see more strength and beauty in my life then I've ever imagined. The past two years have brought more blessings than I could have ever imagined but I believe this year will push me forward, with boldness and strength into an uncharted place, a place I've only seen in my dreams.... #future #walkitout #byfaith #notfear #bebrave #thetimeisnow" 

Just 12 short weeks later I feel like those words are coming alive in my life. I'm thankful that even through adversity and what seemed like failed faith, God has still been able to refine and redefine His purpose for my live. 

If there is one thing I've learned it is that being brave does not equal the absence of fear. In fact, it is the complete opposite. Being brave means in the midst if the madness, in the face of adversity and when your situation seems so big it could swallow you alive, even then, you move forward in faith. Being brave says "I will not shrink back". 

I may not fight fires or take out bad guys for a living, but I know that daily my beliefs are challenged and my faith is forced to be brave. Daily I struggle to reconsile what reality says is with what my faith says should be. Daily I am pushed beyond my comfort zone and into the realm of unknown. Daily I push my limits past anything recognizable. 

I realize that the life and legacy I deeply desire to see unfold before me is going to take a fight and it is going to take a brave stance.  

I really don't know what tomorrow, the next day, the next month or even the next year will bring but I do know that regardless of what happens, whether it be good or bad, happy or sad, fun or failure, joy or pain, through it all, I will be brave. 

What is standing in your way today? What have you backed down to for far too long? A fear? An insecurity? A feeling of hopelessness? A failed plan? A broken heart? A failed relationship? A deadend job? A frustration? A feeling of uselessness? What is standing in your way? 

Do not fear. Do not shrink back. Every time you face fear, you have is an opportunity to be brave. Stand up, step out and BE BRAVE. It's time. 

It's a Collaberation

We all have something awesome to bring to the table. Each of us has gifts, talents, strengths and weaknesses that come together collectively for a greater purpose. Yet how many times do we focus less on what we have, and more on what we don’t or even worse, we focus on what OTHERS have. I’ve read before that comparison is the thief of joy and this couldn’t be any more true. Any time you spend your days comparing yourself to those around you, you suck the joy and peace right out of your life.

Who are you in competition with? You may say no one, but let me ask you like this; who do you compare yourself to on a daily basis? 

Have you ever found yourself saying something like this:

“Well, if I had that much time…”

“If I made that much money”

“If I was married”

“If I was single”

“If my kids were older”

“If my kids were younger”

“If I had less responsibility”

 “If I had more friends”

“If I was that smart”

“If I had that body”

“If my wife was like his”

“If my husband was like hers”

“If my family supported me”

“If I had a nicer car”

“If I had a smaller house”

“If I had a bigger house”

"If I had a better job" 

"If I didn't have to work"

Everyday whether we realize it or not we put ourselves in competition with those around us. We aren’t trying to live OUR life and maximize OUR strengths, talents and abilities, rather we spend our days thinking about how much easier it would be if we had what the next person had, and then we work in vain to try and attain those things that were not meant for us in this season of life. 

What would happen if you took hold of what you have, right now, right where you are and you maximized the potential that you behold? What would that look like?  

Everyday when you wake up, instead of looking to the right or the left in envy of what those around you have, look inward. What is inside of you, waiting to bust out and change the world around you? What do you possess right now that could change your home, you family, your friends, your job?

You might not have what the next person has to offer, but you do have something and together, we can make a collaboration of something great.

A beautiful life is not a competition, it’s collaboration.

Fight For Your Life

Today marks 9 months since my daughter was born. She has officially spent the same amount of time OUTSIDE of my womb as she did INSIDE. This is such a surreal feeling for me. Watching her grown and change weekly (if not DAILY) has been such a blessing to me. I love how her personality comes out more each day. She's always learning new things, trying different foods and developing her own preferences. For example, doesn't like to wear socks, but she does like to sleep on her side. She doesn't like crawling but she will stand up on just about anything. She isn't a fan of large groups of people and chaos but she does like loud music and noise. (I think she gets that from her daddy!) Anyways, the more she grows and changes, the more I am reminded of the circle of life. 

Life is all about learning and growing, change and adjustment. No matter how young or old you are, this cycle starts at birth and ends at death.

Seeing how much my daughter changes on a day to day basis has become a point of reference for how much I don't change on a daily basis. Much of my life (of course with the exception of getting married, buying a house and having a baby) has remained the same for some time now. I've noticed that even in the midst of major life changes, a lot of the "little things" have remained the same. 

Over the last few months I have struggled with a continuous cycle of trial and error to find balance in life. Being a mom, working full time, working in ministry full time, being a wife, friend, daughter, finding time to work out, finding ME time and even a moment to rest has been interesting to say the least. Taking care of the people and things around me while making a desperate attempt not to loose myself has been a challenge. It's been an inner battle as well because prior to the birth of my daughter, I had a good balance in my life and sometimes I miss that. Work, home, family, friends, marriage and of course ME time were all essential to a happy, healthy lifestyle and before Savannah, I had this all down pack.

Or did I?....

Recently I spent an evening in my office reading through some old notebooks and journals that dated back to 2008 and came all the way through to 2014. As I was reading something became evident; the struggle for balance has always been there. The frustrations, the obstacles, the challenges, they've all been the same over time. PRIOR to marriage and POST marriage, PRIOR to home ownership and POST home ownership, PRIOR to my involvement in ministry and POST ministry, PRIOR to the birth of my daughter and POST her arrival.

It's funny because although having Savannah has been a HUGE adjustment, I wonder how much of my struggle for balance has been self induced. I mean, I've had the same issue for years, the only thing that has changed is my excuse for why it happens. It makes me wonder, we all have 24 hours in a day, right? Yet some of us use our time to do much and some waste time doing little. I'm realizing more and more the struggle isn't because of one thing or another. Although it would be nice to pin point a scape goat for our inability to "get it together", could it be that the problem actually lies within? Could the desperate attempt for balance be a result of our quickness to waste time carelessly rather than invest time wisely. 

What are you doing today, right now, this moment, that will bring you one step closer to your goal. Will you accomplish anything today that will help better your tomorrow? Will you invest your time wisely so you can see the fruit of your labor later, or will you let time dwindle away until you're bankrupt? These are all questions I've been asking myself regularly. 

Success doesn't just happen. It's a daily, conscious, calculated and consistent pursuit. You can't just WANT it, you have to WORK for it. 

This reminds me of a conversation my husband and I had just weeks after Savannah's arrival. We left her with my mom for the first time and we went out for our first post baby date night. Over dinners and drinks I told him how I was at times overwhelmed by the adjustment and how badly I wanted to regain control of my life again and how I wanted to get my body back along with my rest and free time. I remember him looking across the table and saying "Lori, you have to fight for your life". 

Now anyone that knows my husband knows this is a rather typical answer. His solution is always push harder, be stronger, work wiser and make it happen. He will never give me the green light to quit because something is "too hard", he has and probably always will force me to look deeper and find the strength I need to persevere.  

Sometimes, in the moment this can be annoying, at times I've even found him to be insensitive but ultimately I see that he's right. (Shhh... Don't tell him I said that). Sometimes you have to really fight for your life. Fight to get the balance you desire, fight for strength, fight for focus, fight for the passion to pursue greatness. 

I've realized I can't always do everything, but I can always do something. I won't submit to the burden of busy. We all have the time, it's just a matter of investing it wisely rather than wasting it foolishly. 

Is it worth it? Then fight for it. 

FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE. 

I use to care

I use to care so much and when I say “use to” I mean up until about 2 days ago. I cared so much about what people thought, I cared about what people said, I cared about what people saw. I cared about how people perceived me. I cared if they liked me and I cared if they didn’t.

Do they understand? Do they get it? Can they see my heart? Do they know my intent? How can they judge me? How could they say that? Why would they do that? What did I ever do to them? They see so little. It’s just a portion, a fraction, a glimpse of something so much deeper, so much bigger, so much more. There is more to me. There is more to my life. More than what meets the eye. More than you know, more than you’ll ever understand.

It use to cut me to the core. Every word that was spoken; out of line, out of context. Words that pierced my heart like a dagger. Words meant for my destruction. It use to hurt so bad, I use to care so much.

And then, I stopped. I realized something; no one will ever know the whole story. No one is ever going to get it completely. They can’t. They don’t walk my walk, they don’t live my life. They see, but they don’t know.

I’ve realized over time that my life is meant to be lived before an audience of One. The one who created me.  The one who loved me first. The one who sees me. The one who hears me. The one who is calling my name. The one died for me, and the one whom I will live for.

I’ve realized I can’t control what people think or feel or say but I can control what HE hears and what HE sees. For that reason, I will live my life the best I can. Not for you, not even for me, but for Him.

It might not make sense to anyone else, but it makes sense to me. I know I am right where I belong, doing exactly what I should be doing. I will keep on doing what I do.  I’ve let go of the burden of validation. I don’t need your validation. My life was validated two thousand years ago, by my Savior, on a cross. Nothing you say will ever change that.