My Reflection

Have you ever gotten up from a good night of sleep feeling well rested and ready to rock the day? Getting ready your hair seems to fall just right, you make up looks flawless? Your outfit is cute, comfy AND fits well? Your coffee comes out just right, the sun is shining and all signs point to a good day.

I love those days! But the reality is, not every day is picture perfect. Not every day goes according to plan. Not every day feels good. Not every day looks good.

So what do you do with the ‘off days’? How do you handle those?

Today after staying in bed for just one too many snoozes, I got ready, looked at myself in the mirror and just sighed. I wasn’t very content with what I saw. I wasn’t happy with my reflection. My hair was pulled back in a messy bun, my shirt was kind of wrinkled from pulling it out of the laundry basket last minute, my nails looked short and chopping and my stomach, well let’s just say the ‘momma pouch’ is a real thing.

I whispered… ‘God, help me to love myself past my reflection.’

I hate that how I feel about myself at times is contingent upon my outward appearance, my wardrobe or the condition of my hair. When I look good, I feel good. There’s nothing wrong with looking good, but I need something more than that. My soul can’t be sustained by a love that is conditional of so many changing factors.

Learning to love myself past my reflection means learning to love myself far beyond what I can see in the mirror. It means learning to love myself for who I am and not what I look like.

Shortly after I murmured this prayer, I was reminded of the book of Genesis were we see that when God created man, He created him in His own image, in His own likeness.

Ironically enough, we serve an invisible God who cannot be seen by the naked eye and has no physical form. He is not tall and thin, He is not short and round, He is not blonde, brunette or redhead, He is not physically fit or out of shape. God is God and THAT is all He needs to be.

So what does that mean to be made in the image of someone who can’t be seen? Could it mean that our being is far more then what we see on the outside?

Sometimes as a mother and wife, being present in the everyday life of my children and husband, even work or ministry, means I can’t always be 100% present for myself. I can’t always be dressed up and done up, BUT despite what I look like on the outside, I’m still made in the image of love.

I am still beautiful.

Love yourself past the reflection you seen in the mirror because your reflection goes far past and much deeper then what you see. You are a reflection of a living God, the one who created you, the one who sustains you. You reflection is far more then skin and bones, hair and makeup, nails and clothes.

You are a reflection of strength, love, dignity and integrity. You are a mighty woman of valor and you have been fearfully and wonderfully made.

My prayer for you is that God can help you to love yourself deeper than this surface image and you can learn to love yourself for who you are and not just what you look like.

4 Things I Learned After Logging Off

Like many, social media has become a huge part of my everyday life. I've spent a lot of time connecting and networking, sharing my thoughts and ideas as well as posting pictures and videos of my children, husband and home. I’ve let people into my life in a very personal way while simultaneously entering theirs. I've found myself on numerous occasions 'putting myself out there' without actually having to go anywhere which is comfortable and convenient yet intrusive and evasive all at the same time. 　

Recently, I decided to log off. Just for a little while, but OFF nonetheless. I wanted to clear my mind and gather MY thoughts without interruption. When I logged off, I went through quite an interesting process. The first week or so, it was just WEIRD. Every late night feeding, quite moment or long line, I would open my phone only to see my apps were gone. Breaking the mere habit was a lot more difficult than I anticipated! I was ALWAYS going into default ‘scroll mode’. Eventually I dropped the bad habit and being disconnected became a little more normal for me. I didn’t think about who was posting what. I wasn’t concerned with the ever present drama and indirects, the frequent public invitation to the local pity party or what was on the agenda, lunch menu or vent list of my 200+ ‘friends’.

Life slowed down a bit; it became more intimate and meaningful. I was enjoying each moment rather than trying to capture it and oddly enough, I became more connected then I had ever been before. Connected to real things and real people.

What I thought would be one week, turned into two, into three and then into a month, and then two months and so on. The absolute unthinkable had happened, I LOVED IT. The freedom, the peace, the quiet. I loved it all!

But what was I loving so much? And how could I love not having something that I liked so much just weeks before? I’m really not sure what transpired in me. I still till this day have remained ‘unplugged’ with the exception of intermitted attempts to connect for ministry networking purposes. But why? What changed?

While I don’t really have specific answers to those questions, I can share with you my experience and the 4 things I learned after logging off.

       1.      There’s a false sense of community.

This is interesting considering that most people have dozens, if not hundreds, even thousands of ‘friends’ and/ or followers on social media. I see these people, or at least their profile, everyday! How could this be a false sense of community?

What I personally realized is that Facebook allows you to have relationships that are casual and non- committal, ones that are built on the foundation of convenience and accessibility. Confrontation has become cheap and casual and a lot can be said with very little, if any, accountability. You think you’re surrounded by ‘friends’ but in reality you’re very much alone.

It makes you wonder, is there such thing as deep, intimate, meaningful relationship or has everything dwindled to distant and digital?

       2.     It’s too loud!!

Have you ever been in a room full of people, the TV is on, miscellaneous videos playing on individual cell phones, toys singing, babies crying, children demanding your attention, your spouse talking to you, all while you’re cooking, cleaning, doing laundry AND suddenly, someone walks up and puts yet another distraction in your face?

This is life on social media. A constant distraction, calling your name and screaming for your attention. It’s come to the point where not even a single task can be accomplished without interruption.

3.       Comparison is the thief of joy.

Whether any of us like to admit it or not, we are all in a constant game of compare and contrast. We are socialized to measure up to those around us. Who’s faster? Stronger? Smarter? Prettier? Thinner? More successful? Better parent? Better spouse? And the list goes on.. But what does it benefit us to look to the left and look to the right? Here’s what I’ve learned; comparison is truly the thief of joy and when you find yourself feeling inferior to one, you will inevitably find yourself feeling superior to another. There’s a reason we were all made to be unique individuals, because in our uniqueness, comparison becomes apples to oranges; it’s just not fair, possible or true. No one is ‘better than you’ and you are no better than any. We are different and differences are a beautiful thing that we should not attempt to quantify.

4.       Constantly connected, never available.

How many times have you been sitting in a room, connected to hundreds of friends, available by text, email, phone, snapchat, text, google message, etc. etc. etc. yet you’re far from available to the people sitting feet away from you? I’ve found the more I’m connected, the less I’m available. I think I’m present because I’m physically in the room but my mind if far from engaged with those around me.   

By this point in my blog you’re probably assuming this is an anti- social media plea and it’s not, at all. I think when social media first began to take roots in our culture, it’s purpose was to connect individuals, build relationship, spread news both local and global, encourage, motivate and inspire others. Yet the platform has been repurposed, in ways has been tainted and could essentially be wasted if nothing changes.  Logging off made me realize how misused social media had been in my life, and how mentally draining it had become to me. But it also showed me how quickly that could turn around as well.

Social media, like anything else isn’t ‘bad’ but the way we use it will determine the effects it has on ourselves and others. We can repurpose the platform at any point. We can use it to encourage, motivate, inspire, connect and share in a positive way. There’s no need to let something so great, waste away because of things so petty. Social media is a tool, a platform, a gateway, my goal is to keep it that way!

Simple Steps to Success

Success in itself isn’t easy, but there are simple things you can do daily that will help make the road to success a journey worth taking. These aren’t all of them, and maybe they aren’t even the most important, but in my experience, they are effective. Enjoy J

C O U R A G E
Let’s all be honest; change is scary! No matter how much you want something, taking those first few steps can be terrifying! The courage to face not only our adversities but also our dreams is essential to our success! So many people fail in life not because of the things they encounter but the things they refuse to face. Look up, take heart! Be bold and face the future with courage and poise! What do you have to lose?

C O N S I S T A N C Y

We often get started, but how often do we finish? We can do something, anything, even MULTIPLE things really well here and there, but what about those things that you do continually and consistently? What does that look like? What does it look like to start the things that matter and keep them going? Consistency is fundamental characteristic to success that many of us are lacking. Keeping a routine takes self- control, a mental muscle not many of us are fond of flexing. It can be challenging at first, but if you keep at it you’ll be stronger, more confident and more likely to continue. I’ve heard it said ‘practice makes permanent’. What will you allow to become permanent in your life? A pattern of excuses or a lifestyle of consistency where it matters?

C O L L A B O R A T I O N

The road to success may be narrow but it doesn’t need to be lonely. Life is so much better as a collaboration rather than a competition. It’s OK to ask for help! It’s OK to reach out for support! It’s OK to admit you can’t carry the weight of life alone, you weren’t suppose to! Whether it’s your friends, family, spouse or colleges, learn to lean in for help rather than rejecting it. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of maturity. Only a fool thinks they know everything, all the time!

C O M P A S S I O N

Be nice. Be nice to yourself and be nice to others. Not everyday is going to look and feel the great. Sometimes you’re going to do awesome, and other days you’ll feel like you’re barely getting by. The important part is that you keep going. Keep trying and keep pushing. Never let your fears outweigh your hope. You can do this! You will make it! Celebrate your successes but be compassionate in your failures. It’s never ok to be your own worst enemy. Be kind to yourself and when you feel the frustrations within your rising, be kind to those around you. Just because things are out of control doesn’t mean your attitude has to be. There’s nothing more courageous than a kind heart in the middle of a messy situation.

Find a Way

“If it's important to you, you will find a way.

If it's not, you'll find an excuse.”

 

I love this quote. I've seen it a handful of time over the last several years and each time it strikes a challenging cord in me. "If it's important to you, you will find a way. If it's not, you'll find an excuse."

 

When I think about this today, in the context of the New Year and New Year's resolutions, it reminds me of something; I'll always make time for the things that matter to me the most.

 

I'll always make time to be a mother.

 

Hands down, there is not a single day that goes by that I don't "make time" to be a mother.

I mean, I know in the earlier stages of parenting, there were days when "making time" to be a mother meant missing out on the basic, daily essentials that I once knew. Suddenly showering wasn't as important as it once was. (Yes, showering!) Suddenly, three meals a day were over rated and clean clothes weren't essential.

 

When something is important to you, priorities change and you do what you need to do in order to accomplish the things that matter to you most.

 

I challenge you today to do this; take a piece of paper and fold it in half.

Keep it folded and write down a list of things that are most important to you. Start with the things that mean most to you on a daily basis and then work your way out to future goals etc.

 

What really matters to you?

 

Then flip it over. On the second column take an inventory of the rest of your week (if that’s too long term of a commitment for you, try doing it for a day!) Write down how you spend your time. What do your days consist of? What do you spend the most time doing?

 

At the end of the week, open up the page and take a good look at the first column compared to the second.

 

Do you fill your days doing the things that you say matter most? Are you engaging in activities daily that will help you reach your 6 month goal? 1 year goal? 5 year goal?

Or do you find that your days are cluttered with busy work? Busy rushing? Complaining? Nagging? Making excuses? Busy on Facebook or Instagram? Simply busy, being busy.

 

I know that there are some days that come and go where I'm like WHAT did I do today?! I was BUSY all day but I did NOTHING. Days turn into weeks, weeks into months, months into years.

 

Before you know it, you'll be creating another list of New Year's resolutions for 2017.

 

If you're like me, at times life seems to be playing out in "fast forward" mode but I want this year to be a bit different. I want to be intentional about how and where I invest my time. Where I invest my money. Where I invest my energy. Where I invest my resources.

 

Notice, I say invest and not spend. There's a huge different. When you spend your time, money or energy on something, it's usually just gone... BUT when you invest it wisely, you see it grow, mature, develop, increase.. You see a return on your investment.

 

What will you invest into your days this year?

Where will you put your time?

Where will you put your money?

Where will you put your energy?

Where will you put your resources?

For me personally, I want 2016 to take me a bit deeper. I want to be more meaningful and intentional with all the resources available to me. I want to develop more meaningful and intimate relationships, first with God and secondly with those around me. I want to be more effective and efficient in ministry, I want to write more, a lot more! I want to really bang out this last year of school and graduate next year! I want to get into better shape. I want to rest. Some days and weeks go by where I don’t even stop for like a minute! Lastly, I want to pursue integrity in every area of my life. Can people depend on me? Do I do the things I commit to? Am I on time? Am I putting my best foot forward in all my commitments? I don’t think I need to work harder, just a bit smarter. I want to really enjoy this season in all aspects of life.

For me, this meant getting a 2016 planner. I get one every year, but this year I’ve been diligent in using it. What commitments do we have? What activities do we participate in? When do I have class? When will I write? When will my husband practice? When will we rest? Date night? Family-day? Working out? Reading? Studying? Fellowship?

If I want to be successful, I need to be intentional. With everything I do. I’m not saying live your life obsessed with the calendar, but if you just wait for things to happen, they won’t.

What matters most to you this year? What are you believing to achieve?   

Remember “If it’s important to you, you will find a way. If it’s not, you’ll find an excuse.”

Are You Really Laughing?

I spent this past Thanksgiving at my sister-in- law’s house. Some of my husband’s family was there as well as her fiancés family. It was a great time just hanging out and getting to know new people while spending quality time with family. 

At one point in the night I was sitting in the middle seat of the sofa with my daughter, my husband on one side and a young man on the other. The young man was clearly texting back and forth (to who, I don’t know) but at one point I glanced over and saw his response to a message… He simply typed in the “laughing face” emoji. Like 5 of them. As I looked up, I couldn’t help but notice that he didn’t have even the slightest smirk on his face! Not even a grin. Yet, he managed to text the exact opposite. 

He lied. 

He wasn’t “laughing out loud” or “laughing his butt off”, he was actually sitting straight faced and bored. 

What is my point? 

In our society, we are constantly given an opportunity to share one image while privately being something else. There’s always an opportunity to “LOL” when you’re not laughing or say “Awww…” when you really don’t care. We can pretty much say anything, while feeling and/ or doing the opposite. 

The fight to authenticity and transparency is an uphill battle. It’s become way too easy to live a filtered persona behind a computer screen or handheld device. Where is the authenticity? Where is the integrity? Where is the transparency? It’s there; we just need to be that much more diligent in seeking it out. 

I was in the car home from the same trip and a series of thoughts crossed my mind, as if the Holy Spirit was prompting me to do a little soul searching myself. 

“What if everything you thought privately was said publicly?”

“What if your thoughts and words became a movie to play out for all those around you?”

“What if your personal life became public?” 

“Would you be OK with that?”

“Would you be embarrassed?” 

“Would you be ashamed?”

“Would you be in trouble?”

“Or would you be content with this exposure?”

“Would your audience see the same person you portray yourself to be?”

 

The truth is, everything we do privately is seen.

Everything we say is heard.

The person we are behind closed doors isn’t a secret.

God sees us. He hears us. He knows us. 

After all this, I prayed, “God teach me to live with authenticity and transparency in a filtered world.” 

I really don’t want to live a life that LOOKS good on paper, on the small screen, on social media, on the alter, on whatever platform is currently available to me, I want to live a life that FEELS good on the inside because I KNOW it is pleasing to my first audience, God. 

I don’t know if any of this rings truth in your ears, but I wanted to share this experience with you in order to spark something in you, as it was sparked in me. There’s nothing better than living in the freedom Christ died for. We are free from sin, free from death, free from shame, free from condemnation and we are also free to be our authentic self, the person God created us to be. There’s no need to live filtered and edited when God has already called us His masterpiece. 

I’ve heard my pastor say before, “God can’t bless who you pretend to be”. We all have issues, we all have problems, and we all have struggles. Being brave enough to accept those things for what they are is the first step in allowing God use those very things to become who we are meant to be. An unfiltered, unedited son or daughter of the Most High who is fearless and relentless in their pursuit of purpose and freedom.

Say what you mean, mean what you say. Let your authenticity as a Christian attract attention to Christ.

My Best Yes

Seven years ago today my life changed forever.

I woke up like any other day, to the sound of “Amazed” by Lonestar on the radio alarm. I went to work at my first job, planning to work at my second job right after. It was a regular Friday, or so I thought.

 After talking with my sister-in- law that afternoon I knew my second job wasn’t an option.

“I’m preaching!” She said. “I really want you to be there, I’m really excited about this message.” She added. “And besides that, it’s Reuben’s first night playing the drums. I’m sure he would love for you to be there.”

Later I got a call from my best friend, “What are you doing tonight? I want to come to church with you.” The story was; her and her boyfriend were fighting and she wanted to get away. I still don’t know if that was even remotely true, but in the moment I thought “SURE. I would love for you to come with me!!”

My parents and brother wanted to join us as well; they wanted to see Reuben play the drums for the first time. How could I say no? This would be a family affair and a night to remember..

Just like that, I swapped shifts and I was getting ready for Friday night youth service. I didn’t go to many of these, being a waitress meant I worked Friday and Saturday nights, after working my regular office job during the weekdays. But tonight seemed different, so I went for it.

The service ended and the Pastor called us up “Reuben and Lori will be traveling this weekend, let’s pray for traveling graces.” With every head bowed and every eye closed (or so I thought) we prayed. Then, as I opened my eyes there he was; on one knee, box opened, ring shinning.

"Will you marry me?” He said.

“YES!” I exclaimed.

Camera flashes going off all over the sanctuary, clapping, cheering; a roar of excitement irrupted in the sanctuary. We had been high school sweet hearts and had the spent the last 5 years together. We had loved each other, hated each other, laughed, cried, grew and matured and now we stood there, as adults ready to make the biggest decision of our lives.

He hugged me as tight as he could, and as he held me as close as I could get, and then he whispered; “The real question is, will you marry me tomorrow?”

“WHAT?!” I said abruptly.

I think he could see the panic in my face and the concern in my voice. Before I could utter another word he said “Just trust me. I promise, everything will be ok.”

And just like that, I said yes. Again.

Less than 24 hours later I was ready to walk down an aisle I did not lay down, in a sanctuary I did not decorate, surrounded by people I did not invite, in a wedding dress I did not buy, to meet my soon to be husband at the end of an aisle where we would begin the rest of our lives together.

Now, if you know me you know I’m a planner and never in my wildest dreams would I expect to get married, with a less than 24 hour engagement and a ceremony and reception I had nothing to do with planning, and yet, here I was. Standing in a church where the sanctuary was decorated, the room was packed; I had a wedding cake, flower girls, food, a dress, a bouquet. I had everything we needed for a wedding and I didn’t have a single thing to do with it.

I walked down the aisle with my father where I met my husband, brother, mother and soon to be brother- in- law (who married us, his FIRST wedding ever!!) We said our I Do’s and that was it!

We were married.

I thought that day getting married was my best yes, my craziest yes, my scariest yes and the most important yes of my life.

Yet 7 years later, marriage has taught me that it’s not about the first yes, or the second yes or even the third, fourth and fifth yes. It’s all about the daily yes you commit to saying for life.

The commitment to say YES when life doesn’t go the way you planned.

The commitment to say YES when the job is gone.

The commitment to say YES when the house falls through.

The commitment to say YES when the dreams are shattered.

The commitment to say YES when the house is a mess.

The commitment to say YES when marriage isn’t the solution to loneliness as you expected.

The commitment to say YES when the picture you see doesn’t look like the “box” you picked up.

The commitment to say YES when money is low and bills are due.

The commitment to say YES when stress is high.

The commitment to say YES when the grass looks greener on the other side.

 

The daily yes.  

Yes, I will honor you.

Yes, I will love you.

Yes, I will cherish you.

Yes, I will pray for you.

Yes, I will support you.

Yes, I will be there for you unconditionally.

Yes, I will be by your side when no one else is.

If you spend your relationship waiting for the next milestone, you’ll always be disappointed. You’ll always feel like something is missing. But if you learn to love intentionally and without reservation, you’ll find that the journey is better than the destination and the daily yes is your best yes.

Today I celebrate that marrying my husband was my first yes, is my last yes and will forever be my best daily yes.

Keep Reading

Have you ever been in a situation where you're revisiting a chapter of your life you thought was over? 

Maybe a relationship, a financial obligation, a job, a struggle, an addiction or a mindset? 

It's a frustrating feeling to think you're "over" something only to find out that's not really the case. How do you deal with this? How do you really KNOW when the chapter is over? 

Recently I found myself in a situation where I really thought a specific chapter of my life was over. I thought that certain situations were a part of my past and I no longer had to worry about them anymore. Yet, here I am. Staring in the face of this chapter that I thought was over, frantic and anxious at the thought of facing it once again. (One day I'll elaborate on this in detail, but not today, not this blog..) 

"But why?!" I ask.

"I thought I was done with this." I ponder.

It led me to ask a tough question, "How do you really KNOW when you're truly done with the last chapter?..."

After a lot of thought, contemplation and questions, the answer came to me from a still, small voice.

"Just keep reading"

Our life is like a book, God our Father, the Author and Finisher.  I've realized this, just because you withdrawal and stop reading, doesn't mean the chapter is over. 

If you want to know how the story ends, just keep reading. The only way to get to the next chapter is to finish the one you're on.