Sometimes I wish things could be different...

I woke up this morning next to the man of my dreams, I snuggled with my daughter who is just shy of perfect, I got myself ready, walked out of the garage, got into my husband’s car that he left in the driveway for me, I drove to Bagel King where I picked up to coffee and then headed to UB for my Saturday morning class. I walked upstairs, sat down, pulled out my iPad, book and notebook and just sat.

I thought to myself, “WOW. Life is good.” I mean some of these things were the basic day to day, some were materialistic but in the end, they are all blessings. Blessings that I’ve been too distracted to see. Blessings that I have become so use to, I forget sometimes how fortunate I really am.

Here’s the truth. Sometimes I wish things could be different. I have a great life, but my mind will always go to the one or two things wrong and I begin to fixate on what I can't fix. I think about things excessively. I wonder, ponder, soak & settle in on the image in my mind of what things are and how they could be. It drives me crazy at times. It keeps me up at night. I think SO MUCH that my head hurts and I wish for just one minute I could shut it off.

Why does it have to be like this? What did I do to deserve this? What’s the point in trying?

Sometimes thoughts of defeat and destruction plague my mind. But today, I realized something. I realized that I’ve been so busy fixating on the little bit that doesn’t quite look the way I expected, that I forgot about all that was right, good and true in my life.

I realized today that I can't win them all & that ok. I might never understand, and guess what, I'm ok with that. What I can do is resolve in my heart and in my mind to let it go & just move on. Things might never be how they "should be" but who's to say what that is anyways?

Life isn’t easy, it’s not clean, it’s not simple and you don’t always get what you deserve. That’s ok. I’m reminded of a poem by Mother Teresa, the last line is simple, it says “You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway.”

My heart, my happiness, my peace; that’s MY responsibility. I can focus on what I can’t fix, or I can make the choice to choose peace over problems, joy over junk and happiness over hate. I'm not ungrateful, but I have been distracted.

It's time to fix my focus.