The Struggle

Something I’ve always struggled with is being easily influenced. Not in the sense of doing anything wrong or bad, I typically can’t be influenced to do anything I don’t want to, but I can be easily influenced emotionally.

I really try to walk through life putting my best foot forward, I try to express and carry myself in a way that that my heart and who I really am can be seen by those around me. I do my best to live a genuine, authentic and transparent life, yet sometimes it all goes down the drain. Sometimes, no matter how hard I try, being misunderstood or misrepresented makes me sad. The gap between who I think I am, and how others perceive me is often big enough to bring me to tears.

Whether or not I show it, my feelings can often be hurt, words pierce my heart and at times I can find myself in the midst of much confusion simply because of a negative opinion about me. I find myself going from confident to confused rather quickly if I’m not careful. I am generally a joyful person, yet in the midst of negativity I can sometimes find myself negative by association.

I’ve searched high and low for a solution on how to stop this. I don’t want my outlook of myself to be eclipsed by the opinions of others, but the more I search for HOW, I feel God redirecting me to why.

Why do I feel like this? Why is it that time after time I allow the opinions of others to change my own opinion of myself?

The answer I found? I’ve elevated the words and opinions of others over the infallible word of God and His truth about me. At some point my focus has been lost and my attention has been redirected.

Sometimes the loud opinions of others can muffle the still small voice of God, especially if you’re not close enough to Him to hear His whisper. I’ve realized if I want to keep God’s truth about me close to my heart, I must keep my ear close to His lips and that require intimacy.

God is my creator and He knows me better than I know myself. No one knows how the iPhone functions better than Apple. No one can ever understand its features, capabilities, strengths or weaknesses the way Apple can. Likewise I’ve realized, no one will ever understand my features, my strengths, my weakness, my heart, my soul the way my creator does. That doesn’t mean no one will EVER understand me or that relationships aren’t necessary, it just means that the most meaningful relationships in my life will start with my creator.

I believe a genuine love for myself and others, will come with a genuine love and understanding of God. It’s impossible to love the creator and hate the creation. Maybe I have been a litter distracted, maybe my attention has been misdirected, but it’s never too late to refocus.

My heart and mind is focused on my creator, everything else will flow from that…..